What He Wants In Bed

I can almost guess what some of you are thinking, “Okay Jed, what makes you think you know what all or at least most guys want in bed?”   Good question.  In my defense, “I say, give it a read and if you think I missed something let me know.”

I there there are just a few things that your husband really wants when it comes to sex:

The First Thing is Variety: Let’s face it, with few exceptions doing things the HardPkVarietysame way again and again gets pretty boring. For both of you!  Speaking personally, I like all of the following: Quickies, longies, times that it is laid back – like long cuddling that leads to making love, intense times where we are giving as much passion as we can to each other.  I don’t think I have ever found a position I don’t like, but then again we have not tried some of the ones that require us to be gymnasts. I like it when she takes control and like it when she wants me to control.  Time of the day? Well, any time we can squeeze it in.  Love massages before, I would really rather give her one, than get one, but I would not complain either way. (Check my post – The Ultimate Massage.) Lights on, lights off, candles, moonlight through the window, it is all great.  Above anything else, I want all of these and would love rotating between them.  I may like some more than others, but the truth is, I would take variety over doing my favorite activities over and over.

06-chalkboard-calculation-lgnAnother Important Factor is Frequency:  This is impossible to really say how much is enough.  For some guys they will want 5 or more times a week for other guys 1 – 2 a week will be enough.  For most couples that, number will not be a firm number, but it will vary from week to week.  The most important thing is that you two talk together and that you find out what your husband is thinking about for frequency and what you are thinking.  That is the starting point, set a goal and try to make it happen.  You might want to keep track when you do have sex so that you know, chances are your husband knows how often you are having sex, he good chance he knows how many times you have turned him down since you last had sex also.

Photo Jun 02, 6 30 07 PMThe Most Important Thing is You Being Engaged:  Your husband does not want to be a passive partner, he wants you to enjoy it, (many guys are as worried about your O as they are about their own O.)  He wants you to participate.  If it is a time where he is taking charge, he wants you to enjoy, but he also wants you to let him know that you are enjoying what he is doing.  You don’t have to be a “screamer” to let him know that, but a little verbal feedback would not hurt, moans and sighs are great encouragement for a man.  As are things like, “Right there,” “don’t stop,” “oooh, that feels nice,” and “I love you!”  Your husband wants you to enjoy sex as much as or more than he does.  Nothing is sexier than having your spouse want you as much as you want them.  No, he is looking for you to be a porn star, but he does not want you staring at the ceiling and be thinking, “I wish we would have re-textured the ceiling before we painted this room.”

I-Want-You-620x350The Most Important Thing Your Husband Wants Is You!  He wants your love and your playfulness.  He wants your touch and your attention.  He wants you to be into him as much as you want him to be into you!

He may speak a different love language, but he loves you as much or more in his love language  as you do in yours.  If you want him to learn your love language, make sure you are willing to learn his. (If you need more info about Love Languages, click here for links from my resource page.)

8 thoughts on “What He Wants In Bed

  1. From my experience, variety and willingness to try new things (doesn’t have to be anything crazy!) are what drives my husband wild. He loves different positions and when I get into it. I think the above was stated, but maybe not in a list. Have fun. Get wild. And enjoy yourself. It’s as simple as that. ;)

    • My goal is to give ideas and to stimulate thought for wives. Every guy is different, every couple has a different level with what they are really comfortable with.

      I do think you summed it up well: “Have fun. Get wild. And enjoy yourself. It’s as simple as that. ;)” My advice, go for it!!

  2. Pingback: Sex is About You Too | Calm.Healthy.Sexy.

  3. I have asked several of my male married friends this question. What is one thing that is different between good sex and “WOW” sex. So far, they have all pointed to how into it their wife was. Ladies, men love a turned on woman, being present and involved go a long way.

    • I think the biggest difference is not technique or anything fancy it is enthusiasm and passion. I think everything else pales in comparison to those. If a husband feels like his wife is just going through the motions, most guys will feel cheated. Remember, many guys feel most loved through sex. If their wife is not into it, then they don’t feel the love.

  4. This is a great post!! I am the wife, but from all that we have learned and shared-these are spot on-no pun intended! My hubby has shared about these exact things! We are thankful to have another voice out there speaking truth about God’s amazing plan for sex and intimacy in marriage! Will be sharing your posts!

    I am just finding your blog for the first time and I am not sure why! :) You are a CMBA member, so I should know you! Our dear friend Scott at Journey to Surrender shared your link and I am thankful he did. Look forward to sharing with our OFM readers and seeing what else God brings you to share!

    • Thank you for your kind note. I appreciate finding out that I am not alone in my thinking and my ideas. The world gives us so many different messages about marriage and intimacy, I am grateful to the Christian Marriage Blogging Community for the help and encouragement that they have given to me and to many others.

      I have been on your site a few times. I normally don’t comment unless I feel like I really have something to say that will enhance what is going on. I am looking forward to getting to you guys better.

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