Encouraging Change or Helping Him to be a Sharp Dressed Man

Navy-Blue JacketLet’s face, there is not a wife out there who does not wish a few things were different in her husband.  That’s okay, we all understand that. (Truth be told, he would like to change a few things about you also.)

Now there are two attitudes you can have when he makes a change: 1) It is about time! 2) Celebrating and reward change.  Let me illustrate with clothes.

Nope, it was not this causal. But I could see her wanting me to wear this on weekends.

Nope, it was not this causal. But I could see her wanting me to wear this on weekends.

My wife, wants me to dress a little differently for work.  She thinks if I wear more button down shirts, both dress shirts and casual shirts that I will get more respect from the people that I work with.  I prefer polo type shirts, she thinks they are too casual.  She also want’s me to wear more colors.  I tend toward blues, blacks, browns, and sometimes for fun, I will throw in red.  She wants me to were more cream and pastels.

Last week, she took me shopping and you guessed it, the conflict came up.  We politely disagreed, but then I decided that I would do get some clothes to please her.  So I picked up some shirts that she liked.

On Tuesday, when I picked out my clothes for work, I picked out the items that she liked, I wanted to show her that I was listening and trying to dress to please her.  The response was nice, she gave me a big hug, a nice kiss, and said, “You look nice, handsome.” (I love it when she calls me handsome.)  Let me tell you, it made me feel great.  It made me want to dress to please her more often. You see she had a choice, if she would have not encouraged me, I may have thought, “Why bother.”  If she would have said, “It’s about time you listened to me,” I would have resented it and probably only wore those clothes when I had nothing else to wear. (Yes, I can be stubborn like that. Not proud of it, but being truthful.) Instead, she encouraged me.  Now I want to do it again because I know she liked it and she showed me she liked it by building me up.  I will tell you what, if she would have cuddled up to me close to bedtime and said something like, “You know you look so good in that, it has got me excited thinking about how you dressed to day and I want to show you my appreciation.”  Top that off with a sensuous kiss and I would probably have given all my polo shirts to The Good Will Store today!

This will work not just for clothes, it will work with everything.  Talk about things calmly, help him to take baby steps, and reward him for each step.  BTW – when he backslides, do not get too down on him, instead, gently remind him of the rewards he got last time he made a change.  It will make almost any man want to please you again.

This is a great win – win situation.  When we treat each other like this, we both get something that we want and that is not manipulation, that is cooperation!

Jed!

Outside the Norm

Rock His World is supposed to be about helping couples have a better relationship.  TheHappyCouple majority of my writing will be about such items as I believe will help achieve that. It is my sincere desire to help couples grow closer together.

However, this will not be one of those articles.  I am a longtime resident of the Midwest, I have been deeply saddened to see the loss of life and destruction that occurred earlier this week.  (As I write this, my county is under a tornado watch – I am not really nervous, but let’s just say, I will take a break every now and then to double check the radar.)

I have had many different jobs over the years and many of those have beentornado-natural-disaster-400a061807 working with Non-profit organizations that work with people and help them to improve their life.  In addition, I have friends who have worked for various organizations that all so assist people, particularly one who is the emergency manager for our city.

There are a few things I have learned that I wish to share with you!

Don’t jump to help to soon:  A lot of people rushed to Oklahoma City to help on Monday, but in many cases the help did more harm.  In some cases trained people who where trying to get there to help were delayed because well meaning people were clogging the roadways.  Wait until the organizations that are trained to organize and use volunteers are in place so that they can better utilize people and allow people to really help.

Work through a local church whenever possible: After the Joplin tornadoes, College Heights Christian Church did a wonderful job of helping the people of their community.  They provided meals for the people working the disaster, the were a distribution center for the people who had lost everything.  In helping, they not only met a physical need, but they also were able to demonstrate the love of God to people who were wondering if God really loved them or not. (If you can’t find a church, check out any charity you may give too.  Make sure that number you are texting to is legit.  Also make sure that the organization does not take up too much of donated money in administrative costs. Some groups take as much as 60 – 80% of donations for administrative costs.  Look for organizations that keep the administrative costs 20% and below.)

Cash is King: Many people want to help after a disaster and don’t have much cash, but are willing to give items.  In many cases, the cost of transporting, storing, and distributing the items cost more than the value of the item.  Also in many cases, what people who have not really found out what is needed, collect things they assume are needed, but those items often end up unused and in a landfill. (Here is an interesting link on the subject.)  Especially in the early days, the best thing you can do is donate money.

Prayer Trumps Everything Else: I believe that Christians often see prayer as the only thing that they can do to help and they are almost embarrassed by that. The truth is, the most important thing that we ever do is to pray.  No matter what skill set you have to help others with, no matter how much you can give, those things will always be better and more effective when we pray.  God can do so much more, than anything that we can imagine.  Never be embarrassed that all you can do is pray.  Instead, be grateful that we can enter before God’s throne and ask His help anytime we need to.

Remember the Long Term: OKC will need help for a long time.  Joplin, which happened two years ago, is still rebuilding. They still have people coming to help and still need the help.  Keep praying for these people, they will need God’s help for years to come. (Of course, that is true for all of us.)

Well, looking at the radar, the storm is moving really slow.  The lights that come on at dark are coming one now, at 5:30 in the summer.  Maybe I better make sure we are ready to ride out the storm safely.  — RHW — Jed

The Attitude of Gratitude

So here goes my first post.  The site is far from ready, but I feel strongly about this post. 

besthappymothersday_fullI was talking with a guy yesterday who was very down.  It seems that for the last two years he has gone out and gotten his wife very nice Mother’s Day presents.  He fixed her dinner both years, dinners that she requested, made sure the kids did something nice for her, and made the day about her, even banning the kids from the computer so they could spend time together.  Yet both years, his wife barely thanked him.  She gave him a little kiss, a little hug, and a quick thank you.  She barely smiled, in general showed no emotion, no gratitude.  Both of these gifts where things that she had asked for before, things she wanted and were surprises because it was not what he normally would do.  She should have been delighted, if she was, she did not show it.

His basic question to me was, “Why go through all of this?”  Why spend the extra time, money, and energy when the reaction she gave him was about the same as if he would have picked up some flowers at Walmart and brought home pizza.  I would say, he asks a good question, one that many guys ask, “Why try when it gets me no where?”

I have talked to other guys and it is often the same.  When many guys do something for their wives, they don’t get thanked, but get chided because it was not the same way as if the wife had done it or it was not as good as what her friend’s husband or boyfriend did.  Now I understand that  not doing things like she does can be a big deal sometimes, like washing color clothes in hot water and using bleach on them.  I get that problem.  But what I am talking about is when we clean the kitchen and do everything but forget to wipe the sink clean and wipe off the faucet and then get called on it.  “Give me a break,” is what we will think, “I just saved you an hour of work and that is what I get?  Why bother?”  I had one friend who’s wife complained that in 18 87771951--2272169569658376306years of marriage, he never brought her flowers. (A legitimate complaint IMO!) We pass out flowers one day at a Men’s Bible study, he takes it home and her response, “What did you do wrong that you are bringing me flowers?”  You think he will ever take any home again?

Ladies, I could go on with may examples, but I hope the point has been illustrated.  Here is what you need to do ladies.  When your husband does something nice for you, acknowledge it.  Tell him you really like it.  Act enthusiastically about it.  Don’t just say it once or twice, but remind him that you appreciate it a few times during the day.  And yes, a very physical thank you after you two go to bed would certainly seal the deal, but it does not take that, it DOES take an enthusiastic thank you. 

Bottom line ladies, if you want him to do nice things for you, you need to appreciate him when he does this.  Would it hurt to give him a kiss that curled his toes?  Would it hurt to hug him so hard that he can’t breathe?  It would boost his ego and morale to hear you tell your friends how your hubby did something really nice for you.  You would not believe what a difference it would make in his spirit and his willingness to do it again!

Rock His World and He Will Rock Yours in Return.  Sounds like a Win – Win to me!

Getting Started

ImageI don’t know about you, but it always takes me a while to get things going on a new blog.  If you have stumbled here, thanks for stopping.  I am working on stuff, but like many of things in my life I don’t have a lot of time.  I squeeze this in between work and my family time.

You can follow me on twitter @RockHisWorld – When I am ready to announce the grand unveiling of the website I will do it there.