For Hubbies

When I started Rock His World, I did so intentionally targeting wives.  My reasoning went something like this, “I read a lot of blogs written by women, trying to get a better handle on a woman’s point of view about marriage and life.  I know I read some of those blogs to help me understand women better, hoping that I can understand my wife better and to help me minister more effectively with the ladies at church.  Since I have benefited much from their work, I thought I would write to ladies, helping them get a male point of view.”

I have noticed something in the last couple of months.  It seems that about 35% of the people who are following Rock His World are men.  To be honest, I am a little surprised by this, I figured they would rather read either what some women are writing or read some men who are writing to guys. (Check the “Blogs I Read” side bar for some recommendations for both.)  Anyway, I decided that, although my main focus will remain the same, I will from time to time address the men out there and say some things I do think men, particularly husbands need to hear.

So here goes my first installment:

Remember, Your Wife Is Unique: If you are reading this, I am guessing that you have read other articles about women, hoping to find ideas about how to better get along with your wife.  There is some good information out there, but there is nothing out there that is true of every single women out there.  Even if it is true of most women, it may not be true of your wife.  Don’t stop reading those articles and books, but remember that more than anything you have to study her, that you have to talk to her to find out what she really likes and wants.  Don’t tell her, “You have to like this, one study said that 85% of ladies like this.” I made that mistake and let me tell you, you don’t want to repeat it.

Learn Your Wife’s Love Language: Gary Chapman, wrote a wonderful book called, The Five Love Languages it is a great book that talks about how each of us have actions, which when they are done to us make us feel loved. They are, gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch.  Many guys’ primary language is touch, if our wife really wants to show us love, the best way is to touch us a lot and yes, I am especially talking about sex here.  Because we feel love through touch, we expect our wife to feel love through touch and think that is her love language.  However the percentage of  women whose primary love language is touch is much lower than in men.  Learn what your wife’s love language is and speak to her in it as often as you can.  I have a few resources on my Resources & Recommendations; you can find a link to the book, a 5 Love Languages quiz and a Apology Language quiz.  (I’m still learning about that on.)

Chase Pornography Out of you Life: Let’s face it most guys have to deal with pornography at some level.  Whether it is something in our past or something that plagues us now.  Those images, those thoughts often haunt us.  Here is what we need to understand about pornography, especially when it comes to dealing with our wives – it is a lie, it is fake, it is trying to take you from a healthy sexual relationship with your wife and turn it into an unhealthy relationship.  Don’t think you can learn from it, don’t think you are not “doing it right” if your sex life does not resemble a scene from a porno, and whatever you do, don’t think less of your wife because she does not act like the ladies in the porno’s.  (Remember, you are not like the guys in those either.) Pornography sells lies, it sells falsehoods. If you need help over-coming porno’s hold over you, check the net.  There are several ministries that want help guys get away from it.  Also I wrote an article about the dangers of pornography with links to a couple of articles I read recently – get my summary here.

Guys, if you made it this far, thank you, I am glad.  I will write to the guys from time to time, when there is something on my heart that I need to share with you.  Best over-all advice I can ever give to help your wife happy and your family, “Love God with Everything you have Got and Love your Wife more than you Love Yourself!”