My Tank Is Empty

this-old-house-cover-2The last month or two has been very hectic and busy for us as a family.  After a yearlong search, we bought a houseMoving-5-Ways-to-Minimize-Surprise-Costs-01 and have since moved into it.  The house although in pretty good shape, but is in need of some TLC.  There have been a few things to fix, painting, & new carpet.  Suffice it to say it takes a long of energy and time to do everything. We have been in the house for over 3 weeks and are now just getting the bedrooms settled.

empty-tankI realized it today, but my tank is empty.  For the last several weeks, it seems as if I am either at work or at home working. (One of the reasons there has been little activity on Rock His World.)  I have reached the point where I have nothing left to give.  I tried to go to be right after we got home from church last night, but the kids wanted to watch TV in our bed – I tried, but I was a Zombie.  I need to get some rest, I need to get my tank filled, my batteries charged.

Normally, I would count on my wife, (affectionately referred to Mrs. Rock) to be one of the major things to help restore me and refill my tank.  Over the years of marriage, she has been able to do that more times than I can count.  Even more so, she often is the one who keeps it from ever getting low.  But right now, because she is also overwhelmed by all things concerning the move, her tank is also low and needs filling.  Normally, I am the one who helps to keep her tank full.

So what do you do when both of you are empty?

Well here is my prescription for the next couple of days:

  • The first thing that each of us needs to do is to make sure we spend some time doing our own quiet time.  That we spend time in reading the Bible, praying, even some personal worship.  I think it was Martin Luther who said, “The more I have to do in a day, the more I need to pray.”
  • We also need to spend some time together praying.  This is something that we have unfortunately let fall by the wayside. We need to find the time to do it again.
  • Next, we need to take some time off for the two of us together – it can’t be a lot of time because we still have a lot to do, but we need a chance to reconnect with one another and fill each other’s tank.
    • There is a good chance that each of us will need something different than the other one needs.
      • Chances are, if I know Mrs, Rock, she will need a lot of time talking, just expressing herself, some about needs, some about frustrations, and some about just life.
      • Me? Well, lets just say I best get recharged by some cuddling leading to some love making.
    • The thing that is important right now, is that neither of us get selfish and insist on our own needs.  We each need to be willing to give, but we also each know that we will be taken care of because that is what we do.  It might take a few days, but it will be taken care of.
  • We also need to make some time to have fun with the kids, we do this for a couple of reasons: One, it is just as good for them as it is for us, they also have been through a lot, even though we have tried to shield them from the worst of the stress, we can’t shield them all, but we do try.
  • To prevent this in the future, we need to try to make sure that we don’t let ourselves get this empty, especially, both of us at the same time.

I already know what one problem will be.  When I talk to Mrs. Rock and tell her, we need some time to recharge, she will no doubt give me a long list of reasons why we don’t have time to take a night or two off from working around the house.  However, this is one of those times that I will need to sit her down and convince her that a night or two off will not make it so we can’t get settled.  In fact, a few hours off, may help us to work even better when we are working.  Chances are she will argue, but then she will realize that I am probably right and we will take a mini vacation – go out for a milkshake at Sonic & then lock ourselves in our Master-bedroom until morning.

emptyloveWill one night solve it? Nope, but one night will help one or both of us and as one of us is helped, we will take care of each other, we will be there to refill each other’s tank.  It is because that is what marriage is all about – giving to each other!  I hope that I get to do more to fill her tanks than worry about my tanks getting filled.  I think that is what loving my wife, as Christ loved the church means. (See my on Biblical Submission: It’s more than you think.)


8 thoughts on “My Tank Is Empty

  1. BTW – After two or three nights of time together partially spent talking and the rest spent cuddling, it has done a lot to make us both feel much better!


  2. Congrats on the house!

    My husband and I seldom run out of gas at the same time. But when we do, we need some serious teamwork to climb out of the slump. It is not easy because someone has to make the extra effort to take care of the other. Or sometimes we just need to give each other space to recoup. We each have to do some self-soothing.

    Slowly but surely, things get better. Try to go easy on yourself and your wife should do the same. I’ve read that moving is one of the most stressful life experiences but the rewards are great.

    • Thank you Maria, yes moving is stressful and it is our second move in a year, even more stressful. We too seldom run out of gas at the same time, but it does happen. The biggest thing we have found is to play it cool. Do what you can for each, lower our expectations of each other and be grateful for what the we can do for each other.

      Bad news, Mrs Rock wants to do a blitzkrieg on the rest of the house and get the rest of it painted in a few days. It will be an insane few days for sure!! It will be worth it when we finish though!!

  3. “However, this is one of those times that I will need to sit her down and convince her that a night or two off will not make it so we can’t get settled. ” Very true.

    Exciting news on the new house adventure!!

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