Don’t Expect Perfection

I had a talk with a friend recently.  He and his wife had just had a fight.  It was 2610462_Gnot huge, it was not mean, but he knows his wife and knows that there will be hurt that he has to deal with.  He is fearful that this will put a wedge between he and his wife, he felt (and still feels) that he needed to talk about those issues.  Now he fears she will fall into a pattern that she has fallen into in the past which something like this:  “I can’t trust you with my heart (or my body) because you hurt me.  I have to pull away until I can trust you again.”  I really feel for my friend, it is a hard place to be and yes, I have been there also.

There are some things that you need to know about that attitude, in case you or some of your friends ever exhibit it:

Withdrawing may make you feel better, but it will harm your relationship with your husband.  It will cause him to withdraw from you.  It will cause him to become even more critical and less patient.  In short it will make the problems a whole lot worse than they currently are. (No, it is not right, it is not the way it should be, but it is the way it will all most certainly be.)

Remember that some problems do have to brought up.  Chances are you 1343869794690_5469279have done this to, you have had to bring up some problems that made your husband uncomfortable.  You did not do it to make him mad or to be mean, but you did because it was something that needed to be dealt with.  The same thing is true for him.  He sees something that he thinks needs to be fixed.  Instead of getting mad at him, be grateful he cares enough to bring it up.

Acknowledge the hurt you have, but seek to forgive.  Your hurt is real, your pain is real.  However, no matter how much you are hurting, you still need to forgive your husband for what he did.  You need to do this whether he asks for it or not.  (Yes, it would best for him to ask for it and I truly hope he will.)  It has always amazed me that Jesus spent so much time talking about the importance of forgiving others, He basically said, if we don’t forgive, we won’t be forgiven.

Your husband will never be perfect.  That is okay, neither will you.  Seems like I heard a great teacher say something like, “Treat others the way you want to be treated.”  You need to treat him the way you want to be treated. (Matt 7:12 “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.”)  Do you want to be held to a standard of perfection?  No, I don’t blame you. Don’t hold him to that standard.  Do you want to be forgiven when you behave wrongly, whether you ask for it or not? If your answer is, “No,” then forgive when you are wronged.

If we all think about it, we know that we should not expect perfection from our spouse, but I think sometimes, we conscientiously expect it.  Let us do what we can to change this habit and to understand that we are all going to have bad days.

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Another Year – Time to Try Again

calvin-hobbes-new-years-resolutionsIt is traditional for people to make New Years’ Resolutions at the beginning of the year. I also know that many of us have gotten tired of making them, having tried it many times before and failed to make those changes more often than not. That is something we can all relate to.

However, I would like to point out that if we never try to make changes, we will NewYearsResolutionsnever make them. Let’s face it, if we don’t make any changes in our life, we will always be the way we are now, unless God just miraculously zaps us and causes change. Almost all changes that take place in our life, involve us making a choice, asking God to help us get through it, and then relying on our ability to follow through. In other words, if you want to make changes in your life, you need to put forth some effort and ask God to help you.

Here are a few steps that may help you make a change in your life as we start the New Year.
• Examine your life and identify anything that you need to work on or change.
• Ask God to help you identify anything you need to work on or change.
• Pick a couple of these items and commit to change them.
• Sit down and write a few lines about what the change would look like and what it will take you doing in order to make that change.
o Put this paper somewhere you will see it a couple of times a day.
o Do these things as often as is needed to help you make that change
• Ask God to help you so that you can make those changes.
• Celebrate the times that you do the right thing and don’t let the times you slip get you too down, recognize that setbacks will come, but a setback does not equate failure.

May God bring you help, peace, and joy in the coming year. May His light shine in your life and help others to know Him better because of you!

New-Years-Resolutions-600x406

Dangers of Porn for the Whole Family:

I stumbled upon a couple of articles this week that that talk about the dangers of internet porn. These articles are articles that every parent needs to read.  Whether you are a man or a woman, you need to read them and come up with a way to talk to your kids about it.

The first article is from The London Times and is titled, Generation Porn. In this article it describes how kids are using porn as a way to learn about sex and the things STR16FR2GRAPHIC_350493athat they see in porn are effecting their view of what sex should be.  They think the violence, degrading, the harshness of pornography is what is normal in a sexual relationship.  The facts and the stories that the author uses are hard, but necessary to hear.  Just on paragraph had the following information in it, “A study by Healthy-Mind.com found that the average age of first exposure to online pornographic images is six. Other recent studies have suggested eight. The largest child consumers of internet porn are the 12-17 age group.”

The second article is from Anne Marie Miller and is titled, Three Things You Don’t Know About Your Children and Sex.  This article relates information that Anne learned Screen-Shot-2013-08-17-at-10.35.33-AMfrom working with children at youth camps during the summer.  One sad fact is that the first place kids turn to for information about sex is Google and even worse then tend towards Google Images instead of someplace they have to read.  Not the best place to learn from.  Another interesting bit of information was that all parents seem to think that their kids is the exception, that they don’t view pornography on the net, that they don’t do anything wrong.  The truth is, most of our kids are not the exception.  If you think your kids are, you are probably fooling yourself.

I know I am going to have a long talk with my kids after reading these.  I am not looking forward to it, but I know it is important.  In reality, I feel a little ashamed that I have not already had this talk with my oldest.

time-to-act-21-285x300When I start Rock His World, I wanted to help marriages, I wanted do my part to save them, and I wanted to do my part to make them safer and stronger.  I think I have written some pretty good articles to that end.  However, what I am posting today I think is the most important thing I have ever posted.  We are in a way for the souls of our children.  If children think that what they see in porn is normal, they will be involved in very unhealthy relationships.  Even worse, if you do everything in your power to keep your children safe, what happens if they date or marry someone who has this distorted view of sex?  It will cause heartache and problems for your kids!!

Please Read these articles and discuss them with your spouse and then with your kids!!

Biblical Submission: There is More than You Think!

I see a lot of Marriage Sites on the net that talk about biblical submission.  I want you to shooesknow that I believe in the concept and the practice of biblical submission, I think it is the best way for a family to function. However, in most of what I see about biblical submission, I do not see what I believe the Bible really teaches about biblical submission.  I would like to look at this passage and explain what I think most people miss when it comes to the concept of biblical submission.

Spirit-Guided Relationships: Wives and Husbands – Eph. 5:21-24 (Verses 25-33 will follow) [New Living Translation]

21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

Some Observations about this Passage:

  • Note: This command is for the wives, it is calling for wives to do this.  It does not say, Husbands, make your wife submit.
    • If a wife will not submit, it is ultimately between her and the Lord.
    • Husbands may suggest this is what his wife should do, but he should never try to force her.
  • Ladies, when you submit to your husband, it should be out of your love for the Lord, out of your desire to please God.  Yes, it will probably please your husband, but is ultimately part of your relationship and trust in the Lord that causes you to do this.
  • Notice that there is a certain amount of mutual submission involved here.  However, V. 21 is a general statement and V. 22 is a specific statement and in good interpretation, general statements are modified and refined by specific statements.  In other words, although there is a certain amount of mutual submission, there is greater degree put on the wives than the husbands. (Ladies, please stay with me on this one, read to the end before you get annoyed with me.)

Now for the Part that Seems to Get Skipped:

Eph. 5:25-33 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body.

31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Some Observations about this Passage:

  • This passage is written to husband, it tells then what they should do.  Notice through 111589385_2FlwNCje_cout the passage, it tells the husband to love his wife in a sacrificial way.
  • V. 25 – Love your wife as Christ loved the church – How did Jesus ultimately show His love the church? He died to establish it. – Wow, are most husbands doing that?
  • V. 28 – Husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. – Again, are husbands really loving their wife as much as they love them self?
  • In reality, what God is commanding the husband to do is to love their wife more than he loves himself.
  • Anytime a husband uses the concept of submission to treat his wife in an unloving way, he is wrong.
  • A husband must put his wife’s needs above his own needs.

Some Conclusions:

  • Anytime that a wife is not submitting to her husband, the husband needs to first ask himself, “Am I loving my wife as Christ loved the church?” If husband answers, “No.” then he needs to work on his part and not worry about her part.
  • Look how this all works together: When a man loves his wife so much that he is truly couple-talkingputting her needs above his own needs, then she would have not have to worry about submitting to him because the husband would never do anything to harm his wife.
  • A husband cannot really love his wife if he does not do the following:
    • Talk to his wife, see what she thinks of each and every situation going on which effects the family.
    • He must put her needs above his own needs and do, not what he wants, but what is best for his wife and family.
  • Husbands also need to be reminded, that the position that they are placed in is not really that of a privilege, but more of a responsibility.

Final thoughts:

  • This passage is one of the most miss-used, abused, and misunderstood passages in the Bible:
    • It has been miss-used by men (in the church) to put women in a second class status.
    • It has been used by feminists and others to show that Christianity is unjust and even invalid.
  • If the church will teach the truth of this passage and the totality of this passage instead of just part of it, it will become a passage that does create conflict (or at least as much conflict) and instead creates harmony and closeness.  While it might not solve all problems people have with this passage, it will go along way towards understanding what God really desires in marriage.

How To Deal With Poor Hygiene: A Wife’s Guide To Getting Hubby Clean

smelly-_tjbqI know this will not apply to all guys, since I know some guys that shower multiple times a day, but I know some that, well shall we say need to shower more.  I know that most of the time, the thought of making love to a man who is grimy and smelly is very appealing (I will  mention this in though, my wife hates to sweat, but when she does, I often find it desirable, I love to lick her neck and have that salty taste from a little sweat, I find it almost intoxicating.  In fairness though, she does not have a strong BO scent then, if she did, I don’t think it would desirable.)     Here are a few things that may work and you may not have to say a wordHow how do you deal with a smelly husband? either.  After all actions do speak louder than words.

If he gets amorous with you when he is less than fresh, tell him you want to do contemporary-showerssomething special.  Grab him by the hand and take him to the shower, get both of you naked (you may want to give him a little show) and go into the shower and use the soap & shampoo as a source of fun, foreplay and cleaning.  You could either give him a happy ending in the shower or whisk him off to bed where you could get down to some seriously clean fun.

Another trick, if you don’t want to get too wet yourself, join him in the bath room just as he is coming out of the shower.  Help dry him off and kiss and lick him all over.  Spend some extra time kissing, licking, and anything else that comes to mind to his genitals and tell him with a big smile, how much you love how he tastes and smells when he comes out of the shower.

If you make it a reward for him to be clean when he comes to bed, I bet he will come to bed clean a lot more often.  It probably will not take him too long to get the correlation between good hygiene and getting his world rocked by you.

Simple? Really it is.  Most of us are much more easily motivated by positive reinforcement than we ever are by negative consequences.  If you are a little shy about the suggestions above, then just flat out tell him, you are more likely to Rock His World when he is clean than you are when he is not.

Encouraging Change or Helping Him to be a Sharp Dressed Man

Navy-Blue JacketLet’s face, there is not a wife out there who does not wish a few things were different in her husband.  That’s okay, we all understand that. (Truth be told, he would like to change a few things about you also.)

Now there are two attitudes you can have when he makes a change: 1) It is about time! 2) Celebrating and reward change.  Let me illustrate with clothes.

Nope, it was not this causal. But I could see her wanting me to wear this on weekends.

Nope, it was not this causal. But I could see her wanting me to wear this on weekends.

My wife, wants me to dress a little differently for work.  She thinks if I wear more button down shirts, both dress shirts and casual shirts that I will get more respect from the people that I work with.  I prefer polo type shirts, she thinks they are too casual.  She also want’s me to wear more colors.  I tend toward blues, blacks, browns, and sometimes for fun, I will throw in red.  She wants me to were more cream and pastels.

Last week, she took me shopping and you guessed it, the conflict came up.  We politely disagreed, but then I decided that I would do get some clothes to please her.  So I picked up some shirts that she liked.

On Tuesday, when I picked out my clothes for work, I picked out the items that she liked, I wanted to show her that I was listening and trying to dress to please her.  The response was nice, she gave me a big hug, a nice kiss, and said, “You look nice, handsome.” (I love it when she calls me handsome.)  Let me tell you, it made me feel great.  It made me want to dress to please her more often. You see she had a choice, if she would have not encouraged me, I may have thought, “Why bother.”  If she would have said, “It’s about time you listened to me,” I would have resented it and probably only wore those clothes when I had nothing else to wear. (Yes, I can be stubborn like that. Not proud of it, but being truthful.) Instead, she encouraged me.  Now I want to do it again because I know she liked it and she showed me she liked it by building me up.  I will tell you what, if she would have cuddled up to me close to bedtime and said something like, “You know you look so good in that, it has got me excited thinking about how you dressed to day and I want to show you my appreciation.”  Top that off with a sensuous kiss and I would probably have given all my polo shirts to The Good Will Store today!

This will work not just for clothes, it will work with everything.  Talk about things calmly, help him to take baby steps, and reward him for each step.  BTW – when he backslides, do not get too down on him, instead, gently remind him of the rewards he got last time he made a change.  It will make almost any man want to please you again.

This is a great win – win situation.  When we treat each other like this, we both get something that we want and that is not manipulation, that is cooperation!

Jed!