Unless you live under a rock (or are one of the ones fighting the cold) you know that the Super Big Football Game is Sunday. (I would use it’s real name, but don’t want the NFL after me – They get weird sometimes.) The game is one of the highlights of the sports year for most guys and it is something we look forward to, even if our favorite team is not in the game. (I am lucky this year; I am a life-long Bronco fan.)
Don’t take his joy in the events of day away by pouting or being grumpy because he wants to watch the game. (BTW – This is true of all big events that he wants to see.) I know wives who get so upset that he wants to watch the game that they will do anything to keep him from doing it. Ladies I know most of you are much more understanding of this than men are and for that I applaud you. (My next post to husbands will be about not being sports junkies and the need to be more tolerant of what their wife likes.)
Don’t hate what he likes: I think most guys like sharing what they like with their wives and would like them to participate in their activities at least some times, if not all the time. Mrs. Rock is not much of a football fan, except when it comes to the Broncos. If I am watching a football game that does not include the Broncos, it is rare for her to sit and watch with me, in fact about the only time is when she really wants lay her head in my lap while she goes to sleep. But if the Broncos are on, she normally tries to watch at least some of the game with me, if not from beginning to end. I LOVE WATCHING THE BRONCOS WITH HER. I love it more than I like watching it with my friends, even more than watching it with my sons. There is something bonding about sharing that time together.
I bet your hubby would feel the same way, whether it is a movie he likes, a sporting event, going for a run, or even going fishing. He may like to do it with his buddies part of the time, but he will love you being there at least some of the time.
How To Watch Football: I it sounds silly, but there are things that help to make the experience better for everyone. My kids learned these at an early age.
- No walking in front of the TV during a play or during an instant replay.
- No talking when the referees are talking. (The Referees are also known as Zebras &/or Refs.)
- No talking while the announcers are discussing an import play or call – I know that is harder to know, but if he is glued to the screen, you might want to ask softly before you start talking.
Beyond those rules, it is just the basics, make sure you have some good munchies and lots of Dr. Pepper to enjoy the game with. BTW – if you don’t really like the game, remember that some people are spending millions of dollars to put commercials on during the game. Some years they are more entertaining than the game itself. (Normally, I say commercials are the perfect time to do some kissing, but not during this game, although halftime me be good for that that, it is twice as long during the championship game.)
I Can’t Promise it will Work, but if start to show an interest in his likes, such as football, it may be that he will be more willing to take an interest in some of your likes such as chick flicks and Downton Abby. You might find other ways to sweeten that deal, but that would be for another post!
Every now and then I take a post and send a little advice to the guys. (I know there are a few guys who read RHW and I would guess that if you ladies like what I write for the guys, you might be sending your hubby this post.)
Okay Guys, Here it is:
Be Romantic – Let’s face it guys, most women like romance. They enjoy a touch of romance in their life. It does not have to be every day, but we should do something at least every month. (Hey, that is just 12 times a year, not too much to ask in the way of an investment.) BTW – Valentine’s day, Mother’s day, her Birthday, and your anniversary do not count. You are expected to do something nice on those days. If you need help remembering those days get a good calendar app for your phone, it is worth the investment! I would also recommend you keep track of when you do something romantic for her, that way you will not forget.
Some romantic ideas:
- Flowers – Always a good idea. You don’t have to spend a lot of money; the Grocery Stores sell them for less than $10. Also, if you can find wild flowers along the road, while they don’t last as long, she will still love the fact that you thought enough of her to stop and get them.
- Cards & Notes – Again, something she will love and something you don’t have to spend much on. My wife likes the cards I make on the computer as much or more than the ones that I buy.
- Balloons – If you can do balloon animals great, if you can’t no problem, the dollar store has Mylar balloons with cool messages or graphics on it for a, what else at the dollar store, a dollar.
- Candles – You can transform a room from normal to romantic with a few candles. I once bought 24 votive candles in glass holders for about $8. I put them in the room, light them all, some soft music, and brought Mrs. Rock in, she loved it. I can use them a couple of more times.
Be Thoughtful – This is similar to romantic, but it is a little different in the application of it: Here are some thoughtful ideas:
- Leave Notes on Mirrors: Some different ways –
- Get some anti-fog product (RainX makes one) and put it on the bathroom mirror, but use it to write a simple message like, “I Love You!” Or “You Rock My World!” She will see it every time she showers.
- Write on the mirrors with a Sharpie or a Dry Erase marker. You can write a lot this way, a long message. Do it on the edges so she can still use the center of the mirror for what she needs. The marker will come off with either glass cleaner or alcohol.
- Behind the Mirror: We are repainting right now, I have to take down the mirror and rehang it. Before I rehang it, I am going to write a long note to here in sharpie and the mirror up over it. I am going to take a picture of it, so she knows it is there. I want her to know that I will be for years; maybe not being found for decades, yet that declaration of my love for her will be there. (I will put the text at the end of this post)
- Paint a Note on a Wall: Okay, it is a lot safer doing this when you know that you are going to paint the wall soon anyway. I painted a couple of things on the wall of the hallway. One was a heart and another I wrote out, “I Love Mrs. Rock!” Even if it just for a few days, she sees that every time she goes down that hall and knows I care for her. (I am thinking about painting that back on there even after we paint the hallway, but I know she would worry that it would devalue house.)
- Get Some Vinyl Romantic Sayings: Either by some pre-made saying such as the one in the picture here or better yet, check with custom sign makers in town and have something make that is special to the two of you.
- Make a Book: With the software out there and the templates available to you, you can make wonderful memory books for you wife. They can be full of pictures; you can do text with the pictures, even full pages of text. I have done two or three of these for my wife. I normally use MS Publisher, make the page the way I want it to look with pictures and text and then save the page as a JPEG. I then put it in the photo book. Once I have created the pages, I can do the rest on line and it will ship to your home (or work). The first time I did this, she cried when I gave it to her!
Of course there is the old standby, a romantic dinner out for just the two of you. Hey, there is nothing wrong with this one, just make sure it is not your only trick and make sure that if you are doing this, that you help take care of the details your need to care for at home, like a babysitter for the kids and dinner for the kids.
Guys, take some time, invest a little effort and an few dollars into your marriage and it will pay off big dividends for you. It will make her happy and it will help to bring you closer together. The truth is, it does not matter too much what you do, it matters that you are thoughtful, caring, and loving in what you do. If you don’t like any of the ideas above, or don’t think your wife will like them, that is fine, come up with ones that you think she will like. I know that Mrs. Rock does not want me to spend a lot of money on her, she likes it when I can do things that don’t cost much, I suspect that there are a lot of wives out there like that, it is not the amount you spend, it is your effort.
If you are like many, if not most of the families out there, money is tight this holiday season. You most likely want to give your husband a really nice gift, but you can’t justify spending money that you really don’t have. [Whatever you do, please don’t be one of those families who puts so much on the credit card that you don’t get it paid off until September.] Here are some gifts that you can give your husband that will really make him happy and he will love them, especially if you tell him you will do one of these for him a couple of times a month for the next year.
A Striptease: Every guy would love his wife doing this for him. Pick a time when you know that you will have time alone. Pick any room in the house that gives you privacy – There are several rooms in our house that this works in if the kids are all gone. A couple things that will help: Find some music that you like and will help you relax and feel good dancing to. Also, soft low light, (red lights or black lights are supposed to work well, I was thinking about a bunch of candles) it will make you more mysterious and he will love it still & it will help you not feel as self-conscious about your body. If you want tips on how to do a strip, I know there are some Youtube videos about it, but I never watched them. (I started to watch them once, but decided after about a minute, I should not see them.)
A Lap Dance: I know, (well at least I think I know, my experience is TV shows – not cable ones even, and what a couple of friends told me), it is similar to a strip tease, but it will involve you getting closer and even sitting on his lap and grinding on top of him. I think the clubs have rules that the customer cannot touch you, only you can touch them. The truth is up can make up whatever rules you want and enforce them. He will still win. A couple of variations for both the strip tease, you could start with him dressed or undressed, or you could make stripping him a part of either show. Again, youtube has some videos & no, I did not even start to watch them, I just saw that they were available.
A Fantasy Night: Give him a night that he can pick any fantasy he has and you will help him act it out. [Yes, set limits, like no pain or humiliation but make this fun for both of you, but be willing to stretch your limits a little.] Maybe do this a couple of nights and the second night it is your fantasy that is lived out.
Some Flirty – Sexy Pictures: No, I am not talking about nudes, I don’t think those are a good idea, I wrote about that a while back, you can read that post here; However, here are a couple of picture types that I think any husband would love to have from his wife. These samples give you an idea of what I am thinking. Get one of your friends to help and you can do the same for her.
A Romantic Dinner for Two: Fix a nice dinner for him that he enjoys, have nice place setting, pretty table decorations, and candles. Wear something that is stunning and maybe a little daring for dinner, after all it is just the two of you. Some variations: Fix just one plate and feed him and yourself at the same time. Blind fold him before you feed him, have less clothes on when you take the blind fold off him than you had when you started. I think you can probably provide a great dessert, but a little whip cream and chocolate may be fun also. (BTW – to keep this inexpensive, try a combination of your lingerie and other clothes you have, like a swimsuit top with a short skirt. What am I thinking, you ladies know more about this than me. I did find a couple of places that have cheap corsets and cheap body stockings.)
Spend Christmas Night Under the Tree Together: The quiet of the night, the lights on the trees, the sound of the fire place (If you are lucky enough to have one.) It can be a very romantic setting. If you don’t have comfortable way to spend the night out there like an air mattress, spend an hour or so out there together cuddling, making out, whatever, it will be a nice way to finish what should be a wonderful day! (If company, travels etc. prevents you doing it Christmas night, pick another one, it is still nice.)
Some Fun Easy Ones:
- Temporary Tattoos in very private spots (Here are some tats I found, most seem to be water proof and come off with oil.)
- Fake Body Jewelry like the tats only with some bling. (A Couple of samples I found Click Here for one or Click Here another)
- Shave yourself for him. I know not all guys like this, but if you have never done it, I bet he would like to see it at least once. [Addition from Robyn @ Up with Marriage To my sisters, I would suggest NOT shaving yourself!!! The pain of a 10-20 min Brazilian far outweighs a week and half of regrowth — far tooo itchy and the last thing you’ll want is more sex. Of course this could just be me. Also, hard wax is virtually painless. (and don’t forget to tell them to do up the backside )]
- A nice massage. Something most guys will take anytime and love it every time. You can read my tips from my article – The Ultimate Massage
Next Week, More Gifts for Him, including some more traditional stocking stuffers and (hopefully) a free gift for you to share with him.
Tis the week to give thanks and who am I to break that tradition. In honor of Thanksgiving (At least here in the USA, I know our Canadian friends already celebrated Thanksgiving last month), I thought I would have a theme of Thankfulness. (Not as easy to find songs about love and thankfulness as I thought it would be.) I also included one that was not a love song, but rather as a reminder that the BEST things we have to be thankful for come to us from God!
Bon Jovi – Thank You For Loving Me
Andrew Gold – Thank You For Being A Friend
Newsboys – In Christ Alone
I can almost guess what some of you are thinking, “Okay Jed, what makes you think you know what all or at least most guys want in bed?” Good question. In my defense, “I say, give it a read and if you think I missed something let me know.”
I there there are just a few things that your husband really wants when it comes to sex:
The First Thing is Variety: Let’s face it, with few exceptions doing things the same way again and again gets pretty boring. For both of you! Speaking personally, I like all of the following: Quickies, longies, times that it is laid back – like long cuddling that leads to making love, intense times where we are giving as much passion as we can to each other. I don’t think I have ever found a position I don’t like, but then again we have not tried some of the ones that require us to be gymnasts. I like it when she takes control and like it when she wants me to control. Time of the day? Well, any time we can squeeze it in. Love massages before, I would really rather give her one, than get one, but I would not complain either way. (Check my post – The Ultimate Massage.) Lights on, lights off, candles, moonlight through the window, it is all great. Above anything else, I want all of these and would love rotating between them. I may like some more than others, but the truth is, I would take variety over doing my favorite activities over and over.
Another Important Factor is Frequency: This is impossible to really say how much is enough. For some guys they will want 5 or more times a week for other guys 1 – 2 a week will be enough. For most couples that, number will not be a firm number, but it will vary from week to week. The most important thing is that you two talk together and that you find out what your husband is thinking about for frequency and what you are thinking. That is the starting point, set a goal and try to make it happen. You might want to keep track when you do have sex so that you know, chances are your husband knows how often you are having sex, he good chance he knows how many times you have turned him down since you last had sex also.
The Most Important Thing is You Being Engaged: Your husband does not want to be a passive partner, he wants you to enjoy it, (many guys are as worried about your O as they are about their own O.) He wants you to participate. If it is a time where he is taking charge, he wants you to enjoy, but he also wants you to let him know that you are enjoying what he is doing. You don’t have to be a “screamer” to let him know that, but a little verbal feedback would not hurt, moans and sighs are great encouragement for a man. As are things like, “Right there,” “don’t stop,” “oooh, that feels nice,” and “I love you!” Your husband wants you to enjoy sex as much as or more than he does. Nothing is sexier than having your spouse want you as much as you want them. No, he is looking for you to be a porn star, but he does not want you staring at the ceiling and be thinking, “I wish we would have re-textured the ceiling before we painted this room.”
The Most Important Thing Your Husband Wants Is You! He wants your love and your playfulness. He wants your touch and your attention. He wants you to be into him as much as you want him to be into you!
He may speak a different love language, but he loves you as much or more in his love language as you do in yours. If you want him to learn your love language, make sure you are willing to learn his. (If you need more info about Love Languages, click here for links from my resource page.)