If you are like many, if not most of the families out there, money is tight this holiday season. You most likely want to give your husband a really nice gift, but you can’t justify spending money that you really don’t have. [Whatever you do, please don’t be one of those families who puts so much on the credit card that you don’t get it paid off until September.] Here are some gifts that you can give your husband that will really make him happy and he will love them, especially if you tell him you will do one of these for him a couple of times a month for the next year.
A Striptease: Every guy would love his wife doing this for him. Pick a time when you know that you will have time alone. Pick any room in the house that gives you privacy – There are several rooms in our house that this works in if the kids are all gone. A couple things that will help: Find some music that you like and will help you relax and feel good dancing to. Also, soft low light, (red lights or black lights are supposed to work well, I was thinking about a bunch of candles) it will make you more mysterious and he will love it still & it will help you not feel as self-conscious about your body. If you want tips on how to do a strip, I know there are some Youtube videos about it, but I never watched them. (I started to watch them once, but decided after about a minute, I should not see them.)
A Lap Dance: I know, (well at least I think I know, my experience is TV shows – not cable ones even, and what a couple of friends told me), it is similar to a strip tease, but it will involve you getting closer and even sitting on his lap and grinding on top of him. I think the clubs have rules that the customer cannot touch you, only you can touch them. The truth is up can make up whatever rules you want and enforce them. He will still win. A couple of variations for both the strip tease, you could start with him dressed or undressed, or you could make stripping him a part of either show. Again, youtube has some videos & no, I did not even start to watch them, I just saw that they were available.
A Fantasy Night: Give him a night that he can pick any fantasy he has and you will help him act it out. [Yes, set limits, like no pain or humiliation but make this fun for both of you, but be willing to stretch your limits a little.] Maybe do this a couple of nights and the second night it is your fantasy that is lived out.
Some Flirty – Sexy Pictures: No, I am not talking about nudes, I don’t think those are a good idea, I wrote about that a while back, you can read that post here; However, here are a couple of picture types that I think any husband would love to have from his wife. These samples give you an idea of what I am thinking. Get one of your friends to help and you can do the same for her.
A Romantic Dinner for Two: Fix a nice dinner for him that he enjoys, have nice place setting, pretty table decorations, and candles. Wear something that is stunning and maybe a little daring for dinner, after all it is just the two of you. Some variations: Fix just one plate and feed him and yourself at the same time. Blind fold him before you feed him, have less clothes on when you take the blind fold off him than you had when you started. I think you can probably provide a great dessert, but a little whip cream and chocolate may be fun also. (BTW – to keep this inexpensive, try a combination of your lingerie and other clothes you have, like a swimsuit top with a short skirt. What am I thinking, you ladies know more about this than me. I did find a couple of places that have cheap corsets and cheap body stockings.)
Spend Christmas Night Under the Tree Together: The quiet of the night, the lights on the trees, the sound of the fire place (If you are lucky enough to have one.) It can be a very romantic setting. If you don’t have comfortable way to spend the night out there like an air mattress, spend an hour or so out there together cuddling, making out, whatever, it will be a nice way to finish what should be a wonderful day! (If company, travels etc. prevents you doing it Christmas night, pick another one, it is still nice.)
Some Fun Easy Ones:
- Temporary Tattoos in very private spots (Here are some tats I found, most seem to be water proof and come off with oil.)
- Fake Body Jewelry like the tats only with some bling. (A Couple of samples I found Click Here for one or Click Here another)
- Shave yourself for him. I know not all guys like this, but if you have never done it, I bet he would like to see it at least once. [Addition from Robyn @ Up with Marriage To my sisters, I would suggest NOT shaving yourself!!! The pain of a 10-20 min Brazilian far outweighs a week and half of regrowth — far tooo itchy and the last thing you’ll want is more sex. Of course this could just be me. Also, hard wax is virtually painless. (and don’t forget to tell them to do up the backside )]
- A nice massage. Something most guys will take anytime and love it every time. You can read my tips from my article – The Ultimate Massage
Next Week, More Gifts for Him, including some more traditional stocking stuffers and (hopefully) a free gift for you to share with him.
I can almost guess what some of you are thinking, “Okay Jed, what makes you think you know what all or at least most guys want in bed?” Good question. In my defense, “I say, give it a read and if you think I missed something let me know.”
I there there are just a few things that your husband really wants when it comes to sex:
The First Thing is Variety: Let’s face it, with few exceptions doing things the same way again and again gets pretty boring. For both of you! Speaking personally, I like all of the following: Quickies, longies, times that it is laid back – like long cuddling that leads to making love, intense times where we are giving as much passion as we can to each other. I don’t think I have ever found a position I don’t like, but then again we have not tried some of the ones that require us to be gymnasts. I like it when she takes control and like it when she wants me to control. Time of the day? Well, any time we can squeeze it in. Love massages before, I would really rather give her one, than get one, but I would not complain either way. (Check my post – The Ultimate Massage.) Lights on, lights off, candles, moonlight through the window, it is all great. Above anything else, I want all of these and would love rotating between them. I may like some more than others, but the truth is, I would take variety over doing my favorite activities over and over.
Another Important Factor is Frequency: This is impossible to really say how much is enough. For some guys they will want 5 or more times a week for other guys 1 – 2 a week will be enough. For most couples that, number will not be a firm number, but it will vary from week to week. The most important thing is that you two talk together and that you find out what your husband is thinking about for frequency and what you are thinking. That is the starting point, set a goal and try to make it happen. You might want to keep track when you do have sex so that you know, chances are your husband knows how often you are having sex, he good chance he knows how many times you have turned him down since you last had sex also.
The Most Important Thing is You Being Engaged: Your husband does not want to be a passive partner, he wants you to enjoy it, (many guys are as worried about your O as they are about their own O.) He wants you to participate. If it is a time where he is taking charge, he wants you to enjoy, but he also wants you to let him know that you are enjoying what he is doing. You don’t have to be a “screamer” to let him know that, but a little verbal feedback would not hurt, moans and sighs are great encouragement for a man. As are things like, “Right there,” “don’t stop,” “oooh, that feels nice,” and “I love you!” Your husband wants you to enjoy sex as much as or more than he does. Nothing is sexier than having your spouse want you as much as you want them. No, he is looking for you to be a porn star, but he does not want you staring at the ceiling and be thinking, “I wish we would have re-textured the ceiling before we painted this room.”
The Most Important Thing Your Husband Wants Is You! He wants your love and your playfulness. He wants your touch and your attention. He wants you to be into him as much as you want him to be into you!
He may speak a different love language, but he loves you as much or more in his love language as you do in yours. If you want him to learn your love language, make sure you are willing to learn his. (If you need more info about Love Languages, click here for links from my resource page.)
I know that a lot of women are shy when it comes to initiating sex. This comes from several things, women have been told good girls don’t initiate sex, it comes from fear of rejection, but whatever the reason, wives should initiate sex some of the time. Your husband loves it when you do, it makes him feel loved and very, very special.
If you are shy and unsure how to initiate sex here are a few suggestions:
- Wear some sexy lingerie to bed – I can almost guarantee that this alone will cause the average husband to respond to you.
- Sensuous kisses are always a good way. Truly passionate kisses will send messages that speak louder than words. Don’t forget that you can passionately kiss more than just his mouth, throat, neck, ear, chest, nipples, are all spots that will work also. (If you have not found those spots on your husband, time to do some exploring.)
- One nice thing is while you are hugging or cuddling is to take his hand and place it some place on your body where you both like his hands and he knows you are saying, “I want to go further.”
- Another possibility is to take his hand and direct him to slow start caressing you, it can be any place that you like, my wife likes me to rub her stomach. If she starts my hands moving and then does something like caressing me, kissing me, or even just making those little purring like moans she makes, I know what she is thinking.
- Of course you can always just put your hands someplace on him that you both enjoy your hands being.
Sometimes wives think they are sending a signal to their husband, that they want to make love and are initiating it, but the husband does not get the message (we guys don’t always get the subtle difference between this is “just a cuddle night” and “let’s make love”) and then the wife feels rejected, when in reality he would have been excited to make love. This is why communication with your husband is so important. Talking to him about how you could initiate sex would be a good conversation to have with your husband: This is one conversation that your husband will love having. It is amazing to me that most women love to talk about every under the sun, except sex and at the same time, that is one conversation that your husband would love to have with you. Here are some things you might discuss with him:
- Tell him you are shy, but that you still want to initiate love making sometimes.
- Ask him for some suggestions on ways that you can, as a shy person let him know you want to make love.
- You could decide on a code or code word that would let him know your intention. Something like, “tigress,” or “baked Alaska” or whatever you feel comfortable saying could send the message you want.
- One code could be as simple as wearing pearls (I love a woman in pearls) or a special hair clip or anything else you feel comfortable with using as a signal.
- It could also be something like you lighting candles in your room or turning down the bed – that could be the code.
I am sure that if you talk with your husband, he will be thrilled and will do what he can to help you find a way to make passes at him. Also, just knowing that you are thinking about it will make him happy and encourage him.
Some other things that you may consider doing:
- Offer to give him a massage – it is always something that a man will love and will get him excited at the same time. You may want to check out my Ultimate Massage post if you have not read it.
- Whisper things in his ear – almost anything will work because almost anything whispered in the ear will sound sexy.
- Notes & Texts also work nicely; again this is a great place for code words.
- Going commando and letting him you are going commando is also a good idea. (Nice thing, if you are shy about going commando all day long, don’t go commando until a little bit before bed – let’s you be comfortable all day long and still turns him on.)
The biggest thing is to find something that works for you. Find something that you are comfortable with and something that sends the signal that you are trying to send. It does not have to be fancy, it just needs to communicate, “Honey, I would love to make love to you tonight!” That is a message he will love to hear!!
Rockin’ Words convey a deep sense of emotion, love, and desire to your spouse. You can use them anytime you want to make him smile, to make him think about you, or to make him drop everything and hug you.
Here are some Rockin’ Words:
- My life is not complete without you.
- Don’t go, stay here with me.
- I’ll give you a good work out if you stay here with me instead of going on your run right now.
- I love you more than chocolate.
- I’d rather have you than coffee in the morning.
- I want to make you as happy as you make me!
- My lips want to cuddle with your lips.
- How about we spend all morning in bed together.
If you want more Rockin Words, check out my page Rockin’ Words. I will add these words to that list and will update it from time to time.