March 14th – A Day for Your Husband!

Okay, it is now March, we are well past Valentine’s Day.  I hope that youLoveTank had a good one.  I hope you and your husband treated each other to a romantic night of fun and that it concluded in your both getting Your Worlds Rocked!

Let’s be honest, for the most part, Valentine’s Day is really more for the ladies than the guys.  (Guys that is no excuse to not take Valentine’s Day seriously, if it is important to her, it better become important to you!)  A lot of guys really don’t get into the romance thing that much, if yours does, be happy, but most guys are really thinking about sex more than they are thinking about romance.  (Sorry to be so blunt, but sometimes honesty is best described bluntly.)

A few years ago I started seeing this movement that no doubt was started by a guy somewhere. (At least I am pretty sure it was a guy.) It was to start a special day for guys.  If you have not heard of it, I will have to say, that I wish it had a better sounding name, it is a little steakandbjblunter than I really like.  The day is called, “A Day for Him: Steak and A Blow Job.”  Leave it to a guy to have something so blunt sounding, but it does kind of get to the heart of the matter.

Instead of a bunch of romantic things, this day celebrates two things men really enjoy, good food and sex. In her book, “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands”, Dr. Laura Schlessinger said that guys have two basic needs, good and sex and that when you meet those needs for him, he will go out of his way to take care of his wife and family.  If I remember right, she said something like, “he will crawl over broken glass” to care for a woman who take care of those needs.

Ladies, I know that name of the day sounds a little crude, at least in polite company, but I also think that if you were to spring this celebration on him and that you were to celebrate this day with him, that he would think it was great.  He would feel like he was on the top of the world and that he would know that you really cared for him and that you were willing to go all out for him.  It would Rock His World.

I know that there are ladies out there who are squeamish about giving your hubby oral sex.  I can see that, I have a couple of suggestions for you: 1) Check out these posts by my friend Chris at “The Forgiven Wife” – Oral Blessings, Oral Blessings – More Resources, and Because He’s Worth It.  2) If you are worried about his hygiene, start off with a shower for the two of you.  You can make sure he get’s really clean and he will love it.  3) If you are worried about taking him to completion, I can say for myself and from some research I have done, it is not necessarily about completion, but about the willingness to give a man one type of pleasure that he craves, even if it is just for a few minutes and then have fun other ways.

Yes, if you have kids around, you need to be careful about doing too much with the kids around.  This might be a 20080223:90683d4780ac47b2958a8a34916f12b5good night to send the kids to Grandma’s house.  If you are not good at cooking steak, I can tell you, I never mind grilling steak, even if it is on a special day for me. For the few minutes of grilling, I get a better steak than I would from a frying pan or in the oven.  You don’t need to dress up like this lady to celebrate 3/14, but then again, he would love seeing you like this or maybe even in just an apron if the kids are off at Grandma’s for the night! If you do that, who knows if you will get to dinner sooner or later – but that is a win, win for you both!

Forgive me for being a little more blunt than usual, but I think this is something that would really Rock Your His World and it is my suspicion that if you make a big deal out of March 14th, he will make a bigger deal out of Feb. 14th and other days that are important to you.  Even if it does change is participation in Valentine’s Day, I think that it will blow the socks of your husband that you have heard of this day (There is a pretty good chance that he has heard of this day) and that you are willing to celebrate it with him.  And let’s face it, we should be willing to do things for the sake of making our partner happy because it is the right thing to do.  That really is true and pure love!

Advertisements

More Help Keeping Him on the Right Track

14-02 warning-alligators-snakesThere are some places where it is harder for guys to keep their mind off of other women.  (Not that I am condoning husbands ogling other women, we husbands should not those types of things, but let’s face it sometimes it is harder than other times and we look, okay, more bluntly we stare.)  Most good husbands really would rather not stare; they know it is not good for them or for their marriage to stare.  They don’t buy into that old adage, “It is okay to look as long as you don’t touch.”   I believe that there are some things wives can do to help your husbands not stare and I believe that there are some places where hubby will need extra help, but first let’s look at some places that are dangerous for hubbies.

Here Are Some Places You Husband Needs Your Help:

The Beach: Let’s face it there are some very shapely ladies on the beach 14-02 NYC_Bloggers_Amazing_Racesometimes and some of them are wearing very little. 

Downtown: In a lot or major cities, there are a lot of women who dress up attract the attention of men.  I won’t speculate why they do it, but I have seen it more than a few times.  I had a boss once, who told me that he could not work downtown, because he was afraid if he did, he would stray.

Social Events: It seems that at some events the ladies are really trying to outdo each other and all of them trying to look their absolute best.  Some of them will do this discretely, while others will really go over the top and will use “sexy” to get the attention they want. 

Business Trips: Guys are in a strange place, often they are not known by anyone, and often their nights are free. Need I say more?

Some Miscellaneous places: The gym, sporting events, concerts, even the coffee house.

What You Can Do to Help: Okay, now that we have identified some places that are dangerous for husbands, here are some ideas that can you can do to help make these situations not quite as difficult.  I believe that all of these suggestions will make him stronger and better able to deal with temptation.

  • Make sure that he knows that you love him.  This will do more to strengthen him than you can believe.
  • Do your best to look nice for him, especially when he has to go into these difficult situations.
    • That includes wear nice clothes, I am not talking sexy clothing, although in the right cases that can be great, but I am talking about wearing clothes that you know you look good in and he likes to see you in. (This also means not wearing your dumpy clothes around the house all the time.)
    • Taking time to fix yourself up, your hair, your make up – if he is around women who make themselves up nice all day and he comes home to find you in your ugly sweats day after day, your hair in a mess, and no make up on, it will make it much harder for him not to look.
  • Take care of his needs: Whatever they are and they could be anything, but they are important to him and if they are important to him, they should be important to you. (Just think the things that are important to you should be important to him.)  I have listed a few needs below:
    • Good food – Good will mean a lot of different things to different people, but there are some things that I think ought to apply: Types of food that he likes.  Food that is healthy for him. (Yes, there is healthy food that he will like – I may have to post about that one later on.)
    • A comfortable place to live. This basically means that the house has to be taken care of.  No guy wants to come home to a huge mess all the time. (If part of it is his fault, help him to see that.)
    • A place that he is respected.  Home should not be a constant battle front, yes sometimes you have to deal with issues, just make sure it is not a daily thing.
  • Keep him happy in bed.  It is much easier for a guy to resist temptation when he does not have a lot of pent up sexual energy.   Burn up that energy with him, it will help to bind him to you.  A couple of secrets: Be the aggressor part of the time, a man likes to know that his wife wants him and will pursue him sometimes.  Be enthusiastic and passionate when you make love, if you are always passive, he will feel like he is missing out on passion.

Ladies, do what you can to help you man not stray, either in thought, in stares, or in action.  I believe that if you work at it, the benefits will really pay off.  Again, I don’t condone guys staring at women, it leads to problems for their life, for their marriage, and it hurts their wife.  They should not do it, it is my hope and my prayer that what you do will keep their eyes only on you!

Warning: Sometimes We Husbands Are Fragile

Today’s post is going to be a little different I try to write posts that highlight the positive, and try to help wives see how they can make their husband happy.  However, over the past few weeks I have felt led to talk about things that hurt and discourage men.  These examples come from my life and the life of my friends, most of which are Christian, most of whom don’t share things like this easily.  They either do it because they are really hurt or because they see a brother who is really hurting and hope to encourage him.
So here goes:

Husbands, we like to be tough, we like to think that things just roll off our back the sucess-2way water rolls of a duck’s back.  But the truth is; somethings hurt us, somethings bother us, and sometimes those hurts are often deep, deeper than we ever want to share with anyone.  Most guys will not share these hurts with you, it makes us feel petty, but I think you should know about them and that you will do your best to find a way to work around these problems.

Here are Some Ways Men are Hurt:

  • Anytime we take the chance and we really share what is important to us: When we tell you how we are feeling about something and you either tell us we are wrong for having those feelings, or that those feelings don’t matter to you and you do not care anything what about we shared. It hurts us, we feel like we made our self vulnerable to you and you kick our feelings under th2610462_Ge rug. (Then you wonder why we don’t share with you as often as you want us to.)
  • When we give our opinion to you about something and you seem to totally disregard it because it is not what you wanted to hear.  If it seems to us that you really don’t care what you think, we are hurt.  In other words don’t ask us if you don’t really care what we think. [We understand that you will not always agree with us.  We don’t expect you to take our advice just because we give it to you.  What we ask is that you give it a careful consideration.]
  • We try to do something real special for you and you don’t even appreciate the effort we put into doing it for you.  I know sometimes we blow it, we did not get the hints right and bought the wrong color, made the wrong reservations, took you to the wrong place, but we tried hard.  We want a big smile on your face, a pat on the back, a big hug! And what do we get? We get told, “You missed the mark, you blew it” and that sucks the joy out of what we did. [Worse than that, it makes us wonder, “Why try?”  We start to think something like this, “Why put effort into anything special? When I try hard I still get in trouble and when I put little effort I am in trouble. Since I am in trouble either way, why try when not trying is easier?”]
  • Another similar one; We tell you that you are beautiful, that we like looking at you, that we are still captivated by you and your body, but you ignore us, you tell us that you are ugly, that you body is horrible, and that we are only saying that because we have to.  Studies have shown that the majority of married men, when describing their ideal woman, describe someone a lot like their wife.  (The researchers debated was this because men set out to marry their ideal women or because they married them, they shifted their view of what an ideal woman is.) Bottom line is either way, when you husband compliments you, he is saying it because he means it and he loves you.  Accept it and appreciate it – If you don’t you stand the chance of never hearing another compliment ever again.
  • When it seems like no matter what we do it is not good enough.  We really do want to help lighten your load. We don’t mind helping you out sometimes and most of us would like to do it more.  What is discouraging to us is when we help and you always find something wrong with how we help.  One friend told me he cleaned the kitchen, but got told he goofed because he did not clean the sink & wipe the water spots off the faucet.  Another cooked dinner, but did not have a balanced enough meal, he forgot to have a green veggie. One guy cleaned the bathroom, but did not mop the floor.  Are those things important?  In these cases no.  If the wife would have said, “Thank you dear.”  Given then a big hug and kiss and acted happy there would have been a much greater chance that these guys would have done more. Later she could have said something like, “Honey, next time, can you also do….?  It would make it even nicer!” Follow that up with a kiss and I bet your hubby would remember the next time.
  • When sex seems like a chore to you.  Sex is important to most men, they want you to enjoy it with them, when you treat it like a distasteful chore, he thinks you are tell him that he and his love are a distasteful chore.  No ladies, I am not saying that every time he says, “Now” that you need to jump into bed.  We understand that can’t always happen, but if you are saying, “No” a lot of the time and then when you do agree you find no joy in it, it hurts us and makes us feel unloved.

Are men always right for getting their feelings hurt, of course not!  There are times we get hurt when we should be more like that proverbial duck.  I think what happens is that we can take all of these examples and more if they happen occasionally, but when it becomes a pattern, when it becomes something that happens more often than not, that is when we get hurt.

About the time I finished writing this, I found this post by Genuine Husband that I thought was a great companion piece to my post.  Please take the time and read it also – Mostly, we are just afraid – Genuine Husband..

What a Week

It has been one of those weeks I hate.  I have been working about 11 hours a day, getting home after 8:00 every night.  We all have those weeks and we all hate them, weeks were we just catch ourselves coming and going. 969100_412367675540821_1019760124_n

I was thinking about it today, in what ways does my wife help me at times like this?  Here are some of the things I thought about:

  • She looks after my needs:  Little things like making sure I have the clothes I need for the week.  Gas in her van, so when I have to borrow it to take some guys from church to Promise Keepers on Friday I don’t have to stop and gas it up.  Good meals so I can feel better and stay healthy.
  • She lightens my load:  When I have a busy week, she does not bring most of the little problems that come up during the week to my attention, big ones yes, but little ones she either handles or they wait.  She also takes over some of my little chores around the house.
  • She is more tolerant of my moods:  I hate to say it, but sometimes when I get stressed out, I can get grumpy.  She does not like the fact I am grumpy, but neither does she take it personally.  (BTW – I don’t consider stress and excuse for me to be grumpy, I still fight it, but sometimes I loose the fight.)

I am sure that she does a lot of other things that help me, but I have to get to another meeting and don’t have enough time to think about it.  The good thing for us is that each of us have these stressful times and we have learned how to help each other and can demonstrate it to each other.  It really is something that we have learned over the years.

When your husband is stressed out, do what you can to help him, ask him (maybe when he is not stressed out) how you can help him when he is busy.  When you meet his needs at times like that, it really does make him feel special and feel loved!

Here is to less stressful weeks and time with the family!

 

Monday Motivational Video

I plan to post a video on Mondays that is something fun, something that will give you a smile, and give you a little motivation to help you Rock His World.

Chris Young – Getting You Home!

I really like this video, it sends a great message.  It reminds husbands and wives that it is okay to want each other and that sometimes the best dates are dates at home.

Some Things He Wants You to Know; But Will Not Tell You!

We husbands are shy about our feelings.  There are things we feel and think about, but we fear sharing them with you.  We are afraid it will diminish us in your eyes, because it shows some of our vulnerabilities, which leads me to the first thing your husband wants you to know…

He Struggles Between Being a Strong Leader and Being Vulnerable: Men are given leaders-wantedso many mix messages in this world, we sometimes don’t know which roll we need to fulfilling at any given moment. We would like your understanding; we know sometimes we will start acting in one roll, when what you really need is for us to be in the other role.  If you want to tell us what you need at any given time, we would appreciate that input.   However, you also need to understand that changing from one role to the other is sometimes very hard and sometimes we believe that the role that we are in is the roll that we need to be in.

He Would Be Lost With Out You: God created for Adam a “helpmeet.”  Eve was to BrokenCompass-300x300help Adam, to work beside him, to help meet his needs, and to be his companion.  That has always been God’s design for marriage; we know that, we feel that.  For many of us, our greatest fear is losing our wife.  Whether he shows it or not, your husband loves you and needs you to be around.

He Really Wants You to Be Happy: For most husbands one of the greatest joys is sm-happy-older-coupleseeing his wife be happy, be excited and the more excited the better we like it. However, we really want to be a big part of that happiness.  We want to do things to please our wives.  We want you to let us do these things for you that you will like. We want you to enjoy it, we want you to you enjoyed it, and we love it when you tell your friends how happy we made you.  By the way, if you want to thank us for making you happy, would enjoy that also.

1357637461_14660437-illustration-depicting-a-roadsign-with-a-respect-concept-strong-sunlight-and-blue-sky-backgroundHe Really Wants Your Love and Needs Your Respect:  Husbands really appreciate being loved by their wives; it truly is a wonderful feeling.  However, in this day and age, where respect is seen less and less, your husband needs it more and more.  He needs it from his wife, he needs it from his kids.

Your husband may never tell you these things, but chances are he is thinking them. He would probably never tell you himself, but he probably wants you to know these things.