April Fool’s Addition of Make Out Monday, Err Tuesday

I am a big fan of Tim Hawkins, I think he is really funny and he amazes how well he can imitate various rock stars.  I have to admit this is not Make Out Music, but it is funny and hey, we need to be able to laugh more in our lives.  BTW – I selected a few of his songs, but I would recommend you spend a little while checking out his other videos.  We own a couple of his concert DVDs and no matter how many times I see them, they always make me laugh. (No, I am not affiliated with Tim Hawkins in any way, just love the guy.)

Tim Hawkins

Things You Don’t Say to Your Wife

Inappropriate Wedding Songs

Hey There Delilah Parody

New Chick-fil-A Song

 

Warning: Sometimes We Husbands Are Fragile

Today’s post is going to be a little different I try to write posts that highlight the positive, and try to help wives see how they can make their husband happy.  However, over the past few weeks I have felt led to talk about things that hurt and discourage men.  These examples come from my life and the life of my friends, most of which are Christian, most of whom don’t share things like this easily.  They either do it because they are really hurt or because they see a brother who is really hurting and hope to encourage him.
So here goes:

Husbands, we like to be tough, we like to think that things just roll off our back the sucess-2way water rolls of a duck’s back.  But the truth is; somethings hurt us, somethings bother us, and sometimes those hurts are often deep, deeper than we ever want to share with anyone.  Most guys will not share these hurts with you, it makes us feel petty, but I think you should know about them and that you will do your best to find a way to work around these problems.

Here are Some Ways Men are Hurt:

  • Anytime we take the chance and we really share what is important to us: When we tell you how we are feeling about something and you either tell us we are wrong for having those feelings, or that those feelings don’t matter to you and you do not care anything what about we shared. It hurts us, we feel like we made our self vulnerable to you and you kick our feelings under th2610462_Ge rug. (Then you wonder why we don’t share with you as often as you want us to.)
  • When we give our opinion to you about something and you seem to totally disregard it because it is not what you wanted to hear.  If it seems to us that you really don’t care what you think, we are hurt.  In other words don’t ask us if you don’t really care what we think. [We understand that you will not always agree with us.  We don’t expect you to take our advice just because we give it to you.  What we ask is that you give it a careful consideration.]
  • We try to do something real special for you and you don’t even appreciate the effort we put into doing it for you.  I know sometimes we blow it, we did not get the hints right and bought the wrong color, made the wrong reservations, took you to the wrong place, but we tried hard.  We want a big smile on your face, a pat on the back, a big hug! And what do we get? We get told, “You missed the mark, you blew it” and that sucks the joy out of what we did. [Worse than that, it makes us wonder, “Why try?”  We start to think something like this, “Why put effort into anything special? When I try hard I still get in trouble and when I put little effort I am in trouble. Since I am in trouble either way, why try when not trying is easier?”]
  • Another similar one; We tell you that you are beautiful, that we like looking at you, that we are still captivated by you and your body, but you ignore us, you tell us that you are ugly, that you body is horrible, and that we are only saying that because we have to.  Studies have shown that the majority of married men, when describing their ideal woman, describe someone a lot like their wife.  (The researchers debated was this because men set out to marry their ideal women or because they married them, they shifted their view of what an ideal woman is.) Bottom line is either way, when you husband compliments you, he is saying it because he means it and he loves you.  Accept it and appreciate it – If you don’t you stand the chance of never hearing another compliment ever again.
  • When it seems like no matter what we do it is not good enough.  We really do want to help lighten your load. We don’t mind helping you out sometimes and most of us would like to do it more.  What is discouraging to us is when we help and you always find something wrong with how we help.  One friend told me he cleaned the kitchen, but got told he goofed because he did not clean the sink & wipe the water spots off the faucet.  Another cooked dinner, but did not have a balanced enough meal, he forgot to have a green veggie. One guy cleaned the bathroom, but did not mop the floor.  Are those things important?  In these cases no.  If the wife would have said, “Thank you dear.”  Given then a big hug and kiss and acted happy there would have been a much greater chance that these guys would have done more. Later she could have said something like, “Honey, next time, can you also do….?  It would make it even nicer!” Follow that up with a kiss and I bet your hubby would remember the next time.
  • When sex seems like a chore to you.  Sex is important to most men, they want you to enjoy it with them, when you treat it like a distasteful chore, he thinks you are tell him that he and his love are a distasteful chore.  No ladies, I am not saying that every time he says, “Now” that you need to jump into bed.  We understand that can’t always happen, but if you are saying, “No” a lot of the time and then when you do agree you find no joy in it, it hurts us and makes us feel unloved.

Are men always right for getting their feelings hurt, of course not!  There are times we get hurt when we should be more like that proverbial duck.  I think what happens is that we can take all of these examples and more if they happen occasionally, but when it becomes a pattern, when it becomes something that happens more often than not, that is when we get hurt.

About the time I finished writing this, I found this post by Genuine Husband that I thought was a great companion piece to my post.  Please take the time and read it also – Mostly, we are just afraid – Genuine Husband..

Reflections of a Promise Keeper Conference

Promise_Keepers_LogoI attended a Promise Keeper Conference over the Weekend.  I have been to several PK events over the years and as usual, I came away, strengthen, renewed, and wiped out. (They can be emotionally draining and a 5 hour drive each way also takes some toll on a guy.)

Promise Keepers’ central message is simple, Love God, Love your Wife, Love your Kids.  Then they remind guys that Love Demands Action. In simple terms, they told guys, “Man up! Do the right thing! Protect your wife and kids. Do not do things that will harm your family.”  The central message was, “Draw close to God, you need Him and your Family needs you!”

Here are a few Quotations from the Weekend that I found interesting:

  • “You gotta have a blood test to prove that you are God’s.”  – Miles McPherson
  • “We all worship something – What do you worship?” – Derwin Grey
  • “We should wallpaper our minds with the Word of God.” – Derwin Grey
  • “Marinate yourself in God’s Word.” – Derwin Grey
  • “All sin means we are living in a state of temporary insanity.” Crawford Loritz
  • “There is no long term victory in the Christian life without Christian community.” – Crawford Loritz
  • “If the truth offends you, that is your problem” – (Unknown)

Promise-KeepersTrying to summarize a 10 hour event is kind of hard to do, but I think the following is a pretty accurate representation:  Men need to love God and make sure that He is at the center of our lives.  Christianity is more than going to church, it is about having a relationship with God, it is about loving Him with everything we have. Our love for God will manifest itself in many ways, and demand certain actions from us, such as, loving our wives and children, being active in our church, and protecting our family, church, and community from evil.  They hit us hard on the issue of pornography, they blamed (and rightfully so – in my opinion) the problem of human trafficking on men and challenged us to start fighting against it.  They called us to love and honor our wives, both when we are with them and when we are apart.  They also called us to racial reconciliation, something that PK has been emphasizing since the early 90’s.

In years past feminist groups have attack Promise Keepers for trying to get men to dominate their wives.  All I heard was that we are to love, respect, and be there for our wives and families. (One session’s message revolved around husbands washing their wife’s feet as a symbol of being a servant to them, like Jesus did at the last supper.) If your husband is thinking about going to a PK event, encourage him to do it.  (If you are on of the men who reads this blog, find a conference and go.)  There is only one conference left this year and it is in Florida, but make plans now, to go next year.  You can find more info on PK here – Promise Keepers.*

*If you have Questions about PK, check out their About pull-down menu, I would recommend their 7 Promises & Core Value sections as good places to start.

For Hubbies

When I started Rock His World, I did so intentionally targeting wives.  My reasoning7457A7FB89064351A947FA72478F9 went something like this, “I read a lot of blogs written by women, trying to get a better handle on a woman’s point of view about marriage and life.  I know I read some of those blogs to help me understand women better, hoping that I can understand my wife better and to help me minister more effectively with the ladies at church.  Since I have benefited much from their work, I thought I would write to ladies, helping them get a male point of view.”

I have noticed something in the last couple of months.  It seems that about 35% of the people who are following Rock His World are men.  To be honest, I am a little surprised by this, I figured they would rather read either what some women are writing or read some men who are writing to guys. (Check the “Blogs I Read” side bar for some recommendations for both.)  Anyway, I decided that, although my main focus will remain the same, I will from time to time address the men out there and say some things I do think men, particularly husbands need to hear.

So here goes my first installment:

Remember, Your Wife Is Unique: If you are reading this, I am guessing that you havedifferent-3 read other articles about women, hoping to find ideas about how to better get along with your wife.  There is some good information out there, but there is nothing out there that is true of every single women out there.  Even if it is true of most women, it may not be true of your wife.  Don’t stop reading those articles and books, but remember that more than anything you have to study her, that you have to talk to her to find out what she really likes and wants.  Don’t tell her, “You have to like this, one study said that 85% of ladies like this.” I made that mistake and let me tell you, you don’t want to repeat it.

Learn Your Wife’s Love Language: Gary Chapman, wrote a wonderful book called, loveThe Five Love Languages it is a great book that talks about how each of us have actions, which when they are done to us make us feel loved. They are, gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch.  Many guys’ primary language is touch, if our wife really wants to show us love, the best way is to touch us a lot and yes, I am especially talking about sex here.  Because we feel love through touch, we expect our wife to feel love through touch and think that is her love language.  However the percentage of  women whose primary love language is touch is much lower than in men.  Learn what your wife’s love language is and speak to her in it as often as you can.  I have a few resources on my Resources & Recommendations; you can find a link to the book, a 5 Love Languages quiz and a Apology Language quiz.  (I’m still learning about that on.)

Chase Pornography Out of you Life: Let’s face it most guys have to deal with porn-hurts-everyonepornography at some level.  Whether it is something in our past or something that plagues us now.  Those images, those thoughts often haunt us.  Here is what we need to understand about pornography, especially when it comes to dealing with our wives – it is a lie, it is fake, it is trying to take you from a healthy sexual relationship with your wife and turn it into an unhealthy relationship.  Don’t think you can learn from it, don’t think you are not “doing it right” if your sex life does not resemble a scene from a porno, and whatever you do, don’t think less of your wife because she does not act like the ladies in the porno’s.  (Remember, you are not like the guys in those either.) Pornography sells lies, it sells falsehoods. If you need help over-coming porno’s hold over you, check the net.  There are several ministries that want help guys get away from it.  Also I wrote an article about the dangers of pornography with links to a couple of articles I read recently – get my summary here.

Guys, if you made it this far, thank you, I am glad.  I will write to the guys from time to time, when there is something on my heart that I need to share with you.  Best over-all advice I can ever give to help your wife happy and your family, “Love God with Everything you have Got and Love your Wife more than you Love Yourself!”

A Little Humor

I found this a while back somewhere on the web.  I don’t know who wrote, but I found it pretty funny.  I hope it gives you a smile.  (Ladies, if it does not make you smile, I am sorry, pass it on to your husband, it would probably work on him.)

“I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.”

For Example: One evening last week, my wife and I were in bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

I said “What??!! What was that?!”

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear… “You’re justStop not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.” She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several COASdifferent very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said let’s get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you…she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.” She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled What?”

I then said “Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.” And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either.

soup_nazi_02

I know you have probably read this one before, but I hope it made you smile none the less!