Some Low Cost & No Cost Gifts for Him

If you are like many, if not most of the families out there, money is tight this holiday season.  You most likely want to give your husband a really nice gift, but you can’t justify spending money that you really don’t have. [Whatever you do, debt2please don’t be one of those families who puts so much on the credit card that you don’t get it paid off until September.]  Here are some gifts that you can give your husband that will really make him happy and he will love them, especially if you tell him you will do one of these for him a couple of times a month for the next year.

Strip_Tease_Sequence_9_by_AlwaysElev8edA Striptease: Every guy would love his wife doing this for him.  Pick a time when you know that you will have time alone.  Pick any room in the house that gives you privacy – There are several rooms in our house that this works in if the kids are all gone.  A couple things that will help: Find some music that you like and will help you relax and feel good dancing to.  Also, soft low light, (red lights or black lights are supposed to work well, I was thinking about a bunch of candles) it will make you more mysterious and he will love it still & it will help you not feel as self-conscious about your body.  If you want tips on how to do a strip, I know there are some Youtube videos about it, but I never watched them. (I started to watch them once, but decided after about a minute, I should not see them.)

A Lap Dance: I know, (well at least I think I know, my experience is TV shows – not cable ones even, and what a couple of friends told me), it is similar to a strip tease, but it will involve you getting closer and even sitting on his lap and grinding on top of him.  I think the clubs have rules that the customer cannot touch you, only you can touch them.  The truth is up can make up whatever rules you want and enforce them.  He will still win.  A couple of variations for both the strip tease, you could start with him dressed or undressed, or you could make stripping him a part of either show. Again, youtube has some videos & no, I did not even start to watch them, I just saw that they were available.

A Fantasy Night: Give him a night that he can pick any fantasy he has and you will help him act it out.  [Yes, set limits, like no pain or humiliation but make this fun for both of you, but be willing to stretch your limits a little.] Maybe do this a couple of nights and the second night it is your fantasy that is lived out.

Some Flirty – Sexy Pictures: No, I am not talking about nudes, I don’t thinkstrip_tease_00 tumblr_mxif2reQ0R1r3cwd7o1_500those are a good idea, I wrote about that a while back, you can read that post here; However, here are a couple of picture types that I think any husband would love to have from his wife.  These samples give you an idea of what I am thinking. Get one of your friends to help and you can do the same for her.

A Romantic Dinner for Two: Fix a nice dinner for him that he enjoys, have o_new-women-dresses-sexy-party-dress-cocktail-party-dress-ff96nice place setting, pretty table decorations, and img55840633candles.  Wear something that is stunning and maybe a little daring for dinner, after all it is just the two of you. Some variations: Fix just one plate and feed him and yourself at the same time.  Blind fold him before you feed him, have less clothes on when you take the blind fold off him than you had when you started.  I think you can probably provide a great dessert, but a little whip cream and chocolate may be fun also. (BTW – to keep this inexpensive, try a combination of your lingerie and other clothes you have, like a swimsuit top with a short skirt. What am I thinking, you ladies know more about this than me. I did find a couple of places that have cheap corsets and cheap body stockings.)

Spend Christmas Night Under the Tree Together: The quiet of the night, the lights on the trees, the sound of the fire place (If you are lucky enough to have one.)  It can be a very romantic setting. If you don’t have comfortable way to spend the night out there like an air mattress, spend an hour or so out there together cuddling, making out, whatever, it will be a nice way to finish what should be a wonderful day! (If company, travels etc. prevents you doing it Christmas night, pick another one, it is still nice.)

Some Fun Easy Ones:

  • Temporary Tattoos in very private spots (Here are some tats I found, most seem to be water proof and come off with oil.)
  • Fake Body Jewelry like the tats only with some bling. (A Couple of samples I found Click Here for one or Click Here another)
  • Shave yourself for him.  I know not all guys like this, but if you have never done it, I bet he would like to see it at least once.  [Addition from Robyn @  Up with Marriage To my sisters, I would suggest NOT shaving yourself!!! The pain of a 10-20 min Brazilian far outweighs a week and half of regrowth — far tooo itchy and the last thing you’ll want is more sex. Of course this could just be me. Also, hard wax is virtually painless. (and don’t forget to tell them to do up the backside ;) )]
  • A nice massage. Something most guys will take anytime and love it every time.  You can read my tips from my article – The Ultimate Massage

Next Week, More Gifts for Him, including some more traditional stocking stuffers and (hopefully) a free gift for you to share with him.

What He Wants In Bed

I can almost guess what some of you are thinking, “Okay Jed, what makes you think you know what all or at least most guys want in bed?”   Good question.  In my defense, “I say, give it a read and if you think I missed something let me know.”

I there there are just a few things that your husband really wants when it comes to sex:

The First Thing is Variety: Let’s face it, with few exceptions doing things the HardPkVarietysame way again and again gets pretty boring. For both of you!  Speaking personally, I like all of the following: Quickies, longies, times that it is laid back – like long cuddling that leads to making love, intense times where we are giving as much passion as we can to each other.  I don’t think I have ever found a position I don’t like, but then again we have not tried some of the ones that require us to be gymnasts. I like it when she takes control and like it when she wants me to control.  Time of the day? Well, any time we can squeeze it in.  Love massages before, I would really rather give her one, than get one, but I would not complain either way. (Check my post – The Ultimate Massage.) Lights on, lights off, candles, moonlight through the window, it is all great.  Above anything else, I want all of these and would love rotating between them.  I may like some more than others, but the truth is, I would take variety over doing my favorite activities over and over.

06-chalkboard-calculation-lgnAnother Important Factor is Frequency:  This is impossible to really say how much is enough.  For some guys they will want 5 or more times a week for other guys 1 – 2 a week will be enough.  For most couples that, number will not be a firm number, but it will vary from week to week.  The most important thing is that you two talk together and that you find out what your husband is thinking about for frequency and what you are thinking.  That is the starting point, set a goal and try to make it happen.  You might want to keep track when you do have sex so that you know, chances are your husband knows how often you are having sex, he good chance he knows how many times you have turned him down since you last had sex also.

Photo Jun 02, 6 30 07 PMThe Most Important Thing is You Being Engaged:  Your husband does not want to be a passive partner, he wants you to enjoy it, (many guys are as worried about your O as they are about their own O.)  He wants you to participate.  If it is a time where he is taking charge, he wants you to enjoy, but he also wants you to let him know that you are enjoying what he is doing.  You don’t have to be a “screamer” to let him know that, but a little verbal feedback would not hurt, moans and sighs are great encouragement for a man.  As are things like, “Right there,” “don’t stop,” “oooh, that feels nice,” and “I love you!”  Your husband wants you to enjoy sex as much as or more than he does.  Nothing is sexier than having your spouse want you as much as you want them.  No, he is looking for you to be a porn star, but he does not want you staring at the ceiling and be thinking, “I wish we would have re-textured the ceiling before we painted this room.”

I-Want-You-620x350The Most Important Thing Your Husband Wants Is You!  He wants your love and your playfulness.  He wants your touch and your attention.  He wants you to be into him as much as you want him to be into you!

He may speak a different love language, but he loves you as much or more in his love language  as you do in yours.  If you want him to learn your love language, make sure you are willing to learn his. (If you need more info about Love Languages, click here for links from my resource page.)

Making the Most of the Time You Have

large_housework1_040508Husbands, believe it or not, can be a very understanding. We know that our wives are very busy.  The have a lot of responsibilities, which include, taking care of the house and the kids, probably volunteering for some organization, responsibilities at church, and in many cases, working outside the home also.

We understand that our wives are busy and that they are tired, sometimes (maybe even most of the time) to the point of being exhausted. We know that when you are like, there is not a lot of time for us and that you don’t have the energy to think about making love to us.  We may not like that you have no time for us, we don’t like it, but we get it, we understand that sometimes there is nothing left for us.  We tend to not get upset about it, because we know how life is.

There are however a couple of things that really do bother most guys, chances are that your husband is dealing with this.  I think it is important for you to know, what bothers us, it is even more important for you to be working on a solution to fix these problems:

Design background elementProblem One: Why Don’t You Make More Time for Us? We understand that there are many important things in your life.  We know that we can always be your number one priority, but it seems far too often that we are not even in the top ten of your priorities.  Maybe you think we are tough and therefore we can roll with the punches and we are okay with not being in the top ten.  Most of us can deal with that for a short time, but when we feel like we are never in the top 10 and you never seem to try to change that, well we don’t like it!  We believe that if we are really important to you, you would find a way to put us in the top ten.  When you don’t we start to believe that we really don’t matter much to you.

120404061904-couple-bed-woman-ignoring-man-story-topProblem Two: There are Nights when you are not so busy and tired, yet you don’t seem interesting in us on those nights.  We understand that many days you are worn out from all that you do.  What bothers us is, when there is a night where you are not too busy, not too tired, and you want to take up you time with things that do not involve us.  We even know that sometimes that you just need some time to yourself.  However, if for the past five nights you have had free, you have not made us a significant part of that time any of those night, it is hard for us to take.

Here are some of the things I hear from guys that their wives do instead of spending time with them. I am not talking about doing this for just an hour or two, but I know wives that spend literally from 7:00 or 8:00 until after midnight on one or more of these.  If it was just an hour or two, we would not complain, probably even enjoy it, because we know you need to unwind some and it would give us some time to unwind.

  • The computer, doing anything from FB to solitaire.
  • Playing with the pets.
  • On the phone with friends.
  • Games, either computer, video, card, or on paper like a crossword puzzle.
  • TV or Movies.
  • Hobbies.
  • Let’s not forget “Ladies’ Night Out.”

We don’t want to take away your fun, we don’t want to take away your enjoyment, and we just want to be part of that fun and enjoyment.  We want to think that spending time with us will make you happy, that it will be fun, that we can help relax you.  We know you make us happy, make us feel good, and we want to not only be with you, but we want to make you feel better.

Ladies, if you want to keep your marriage strong, if you want it to weather the test of time, if you want it to ride out the storms of life so that you can sail into the sunset happily with your husband, then you need to do your part to make it ship-shape.  You need to make him a priority in your marriage most of the time and you need to spend at least half of your down time with him.

How to Initiate Sex even if you are Shy

I know that a lot of women are shy when it comes to initiating sex.  This comes from several things, women have been told good girls don’t initiate sex, it comes from fear of rejection, but whatever the reason, wives should initiate sex some of the time.  Your husband loves it when you do, it makes him feel loved and very, very special.

If you are shy and unsure how to initiate sex here are a few suggestions:

  • Wear some sexy lingerie to bed – I can almost guarantee that this alone will cause the average husband to respond to you.
  • Sensuous kisses are always a good way.  Truly passionate kisses will send pink_lips-t2messages that speak louder than words.  Don’t forget that you can passionately kiss more than just his mouth, throat, neck, ear, chest, nipples, are all spots that will work also. (If you have not found those spots on your husband, time to do some exploring.)
  • One nice thing is while you are hugging or cuddling is to take his hand and place it some place on your body where you both like his hands and he knows you are saying, “I want to go further.”
  • Another possibility is to take his hand and direct him to slow start caressing you, it can be any place that you like, my wife likes me to rub her stomach.  If she starts my hands moving and then does something like caressing me, kissing me, or even just making those little purring like moans she makes, I know what she is thinking.
  • Of course you can always just put your hands someplace on him that you both enjoy your hands being.

Sometimes wives think they are sending a signal to their husband, that they want to make love and are initiating it, but the husband does not get the message (we guys don’t always get the subtle difference between this is “just a cuddle night” and “let’s make love”) and then the wife feels rejected, when in reality he would have been excited to make love. This is why communication with your husband is so important. Talking to him about how you could initiate sex would be a good conversation to have with your husband: This is one conversation that your husband will love having.  It is amazing to me that most women love to talk about every under the sun, except sex and at the same time, that is one conversation that your husband would love to have with you. Here are some things you might discuss with him:

  • Tell him you are shy, but that you still want to initiate love making sometimes.
  • Ask him for some suggestions on ways that you can, as a shy person let him know you want to make love.
  • You could decide on a code or code word that would let him know your intention. Something like, “tigress,” or “baked Alaska” or whatever you feel comfortable saying could send the message you want.
  • One code could be as simple as wearing pearls (I love a woman in pearls) or a special hair clip or anything else you feel comfortable with using as a signal.
  • It could also be something like you lighting candles in your room or turning down the bed – that could be the code.

I am sure that if you talk with your husband, he will be thrilled and will do what he can to help you find a way to make passes at him.  Also, just knowing that you are thinking about it will make him happy and encourage him.

Some other things that you may consider doing:

  • Offer to give him a massage – it is always something that a man will love and will Sex-sin-article-picget him excited at the same time. You may want to check out my Ultimate Massage post if you have not read it.
  • Whisper things in his ear – almost anything will work because almost anything whispered in the ear will sound sexy.
  • Notes & Texts also work nicely; again this is a great place for code words.
  • Going commando and letting him you are going commando is also a good idea. (Nice thing, if you are shy about going commando all day long, don’t go commando until a little bit before bed – let’s you be comfortable all day long and still turns him on.)

The biggest thing is to find something that works for you.  Find something that you are comfortable with and something that sends the signal that you are trying to send.  It does not have to be fancy, it just needs to communicate, “Honey, I would love to make love to you tonight!”  That is a message he will love to hear!!

Classy not Trashy

One of the things that I love seeing the most in the world is when my wife dresses up for me.  I love to see her look her best, every time she fixes herself up for me, I am reminded that I am the luckiest guy in the world.  (Yes, I would still consider myself lucky even if she was not still beautiful, but it is like having an extra treat that she is beautiful and hot.) 

I think most guys would agree with me, that they love seeing their wives look nice for them.  I would encourage you ladies to dress up for your man any time you can. (I know it is a hassle to do everyday, but try for a few times a month, he will love it.)

A Few Things You May Want to Consider:

Your husband loves to see you look nice, to even look alluring, but he does not wantPaulina-Carmel-Modest-Clothing you to show off for the world.  There are some parts of you that are for his eyes only.  He wants to keep it that way.  This can include things that are too tight as well as too low cut or too high cut.  A while back I was at my favorite coffee shop one morning and it seemed like half the ladies there showing off more than what I would consider proper.  It disturbed me, coffee and an eye-full was not the way I wanted to start my day.  Classy, not trashy is always the way a Christian should dress, both male and female.  (My wife won’t let me wear my running tights unless I wear shorts over them)

Don’t forget, this includes around the house if there are others around.  It helps to set a good example for your kids, they need to know about modesty.  It is okay, when they get older, for them to know that you dress seductively for your husband sometimes, but they don’t need to see you in the outfits.

red_couture_corset_with_beadsWhen you and your husband are alone, show as much as you want.  If you have an inner seductress that wants to tease and titillate, go for it, tease and titillate as much as you want.  If you are a little more shy and not ready to show more skin that not, that is okay, find something that you like, something that says, “I want you to want me” and wear it for him.  I know that you ladies know best what you look good in.  I would suggest that every now and then, buy something that is a little out of your comfort zone and wear it for him.  He will love whatever you wear, because he knows you are trying to please him.

I know many women feel cheated if they get lingerie for a birthday gift, thinking it is really more for him.  I can see that, it makes sense.  I have tried a couple of times for my birthday to get my wife to buy herself some lingerie and wear it to bed for me on my birthday (or whatever event)!  I would love that, I get the feeling that your husband would like it also.

BTW – If you struggle with body image, you are probably worried about nothing.  Any decent guy knows that what is one the inside is more important than what is on the outside.  I am willing to bet that he loves you the way you are and wants you more than you realize.  I am most attracted to my wife’s build as a type of body I like. (Yes, I know it may have to do with love more than anything, but what is wrong with that?)  Studies have shown that it is true of most husbands.  Your heart will still shine more than anything else anyway and he loves that a lot.

In many ways the old idea is true: A man wants a classy wife in public, but in private, he desires someone who wants to Rock His WorldDressing to please him is a great way to start.

Help Him Remain Faithful

First, no man (or woman) ever has an excuse to cheat.  I don’t care what all is going31525_20130531_181922_relationship_09 on, you made a promise when you got married to be faithful and true to your spouse and you need to do that.

Having said that there is no excuse for cheating, I believe that there are things that wives can do to help their husband keep from cheating.  The following things are all common sense, but I am afraid sometimes that when we get busy doing all that we have to do in our lives we often forget our common sense.  I think often times it is important to remind each other about common sense things and help each other to follow our common sense.

he_is_mine___collab____complete__by_shadxth-d5q6jz1Make Sure He Knows that You Love Him:  Remember that each of us have one or two love languages that are really important to us.  For most men, physical – err – sexual touch is one of those.  Make sure that you are showing him sexually that you love him.  (I know some ladies get tired of hearing that, but it really is a big thing for most guys and if it is for your guy, make sure you don’t neglect it.)  You don’t want some other woman’s advance to have a greater chance of success simply, because he has not been sexually satisfied at home lately, do you?

Show Him You are Grateful He is Your Husband:  Men like to know that their families appreciate all that they do to support them.  Many men work long hours, sometimes doing jobs that they really hate; because that is the only way they can support their family.  It gets real lonely doing that if all they get at home is an attitude that says either, “Why should I thank you, that is what you are supposed to do,” or “You need to do more, you are not taking good enough care of me/us.”  Yes, that is what men should do, we should sacrifice to take care of our family and sometimes we need to do more, but that does not mean that we don’t deserve to be thanked for what we are doing.  A little gratitude goes a long way.

Do Not Make Him Feel Inferior:  No guy wants to be constantly compared to your friend’s husbands, especially if his wife is always talking about how great so-and-so is.  Instead, find things to brag on your husband about.  Let them know that you think some of the things that he does are great.  Brag on him, especially in front of him sometimes.  It could be anything from what a great job he did cooking on the grill the other night to how he did a great job getting you that special something you wanted.  It will make him feel like a million bucks.

Pray for Him to Be Faithful:  Let him know that you are praying for him, not that you don’t Prayertrust him, but because you know that there are women out there who would swoop in to grab a great guy like him.  He knows that sometimes he is more vulnerable than others and he will appreciate that you are praying for him.  Most guys want to stay true and will take all the help they can get to do just that.

Some Special Treatment: There are a few other things that you could do from time to time that would also let your husband know that he is special.  Try giving him an Ultimate Massage a few times a year.  If you want some tips on doing that, check my post about the Ultimate Massage. Another thing, is to make sure when you kiss him, you communicate your love to him.  Kissing can become routine, instead make sure you are giving him several loving kisses during the day.  Check my post about Loving Kisses for some ideas.  Some other things, do something different every now and then, do something he would enjoy, it does not matter what it is, but it shows him you love him.  Some ideas could be, watch some guy thing with him, like football, by his favorite ice cream, join him in the shower sometime, send the kids away from the night and tell him you are all his for the night, most importantly, you know your husband better than anyone, use your knowledge, imagination, and love for him, with that for your guide, you can’t go wrong.

There Are Certain Times That Make These Actions Even More Critical:  I know in my own life that there are times that I worry much more about straying than other times. (No, I never have strayed and I promise and pray that I never will!)  The time that scares me the most is when I travel. Being in a strange place, where few, if anyone knows me can cause me to think, “If I did stray, who would know?”  I know, God would know, and who knows what type of problems would result from that infidelity, but being honest, it is a temptation.

Another place that was a little uncomfortable for me is when I take my kids to places where there are more moms than dads.  For example, I took my daughter to the Children’s Museum, the adult male to female count was about 4 moms for every guy there and if you took away the men who were there with their wife, it was much, much higher, like I was the only guy there with my kid without a wife along.  It seemed to me that some of these ladies were a little more friendly than I thought they would be.  I don’t know if they were just impressed because I was there by myself with my daughter and were being encouraging or they were lonely, bored, jealous, or just enjoyed being a little flirtatious. I was a little nervous.

In each of these situations; I am glad to know my wife loves me. She is especially helpful Six-ways-to-stop-nagging-your-partner-300-1when I am going out of town, she finds some extra time and energy to demonstrate to me that I never want anyone else.  I am grateful for that.  I don’t want to face any of those temptations when I am weak.  (Hey, I don’t want to face them at all, but I know I can’t avoid them all.)  I know it is easier to deal with temptation knowing that I have a loving wife waiting for me.  If I thought she hated me, was mad at me, or even just indifferent, it would be harder to fight the temptation. (Again, it would not be an excuse.  I would be wrong.  For me In the end, it is the thought of how much it would hurt my wife, my kids, and how it would hurt my witness, that keeps me from ever cheating.  I have seen families and churches hurt by cheating.  I pray I never add to it.)

Ladies, please do what you can to make sure your husband knows that you are lips blown kissthere for him and that you want him, all of him, and that you are going to do what you can to make sure he knows all of this.  Sometimes men get doubts, they start to wonder if their wife still really loves them, if their wife still cares about them as she once did.  If you love him, you want him to know that, for him to know, you have to express that to him and probably express that in many ways, and do it often.  Chances are you want him to do the same thing to you, so show him how it is done! (Any guys reading this, Take Note:  Let your wife know you love her as often as you can, in as many ways as you can, and in a way that speaks to her!)

I know that post is longer than I wish it was, but I know it is very important.  It really can make all the difference in the world. Call these actions insurance, extra protection, whatever you want, but in the end they will help your you and help your husband to be happier and to have a stronger marriage.  Sounds like winning situation for both of you!  Hopefully you both will have fun doing all of these suggestions!