Seeing it from His Side

We all know, but we forget it sometimes; Men and women think differently, we large_37396194_66fa1a7d7e_bdo things differently.  Most of the time neither gender is really right or really wrong, we are just different.  In the end that difference, although frustrating, is over all a good thing.

To complicate matters, we (men and women) can be pretty inconsistent in certain areas of our lives.  What we do today in a situation is not what we did last time we were in a similar situation. Part of the change is because of experience that is that we make a change because of what happened last time.  However, in other cases, the difference has to do more to do with our mood.  For example, yesterday I had this delicious melon drink at the Mexican restaurant we ate at for lunch, it was wonderful, however today the thought of it is making my stomach hurt because it was so sweet and I am not in the mood for sweet.

You are probably wondering, “What has this got to do with my marriage?”  The answer is simple, it is hard for us husbands to know what pleases you some days and we are asking that you be patient with us.

Lost and Confused SignpostWhat often times is confusing for husbands is that what a wife wants one day is not what she wants other days.  In talking to other husbands, they also say that they to have a hard time dealing with their wives inconsistencies and that there are only a couple of things that they are really consistent on.  I am willing to bet that it is the same way for most couples.

Does it ever go like this for you? One day you are cuddly and huggy and want be to given a hug and a kiss every time your husband gets anywhere close to.  But other days you want to be totally left alone and don’t even want to be touched.  From experience, this is frustrating and doubly so because there are not any telltale signs of which mood she is in until it is too late.  By the time most of us figure it out, we like we are in trouble and the damage is already done.

This can relate to many things – from what restaurant eat at to movies to watch, from what to do around the house to help her, to how to take care of the kids, from what I cook for dinner when I cook for us, to what places on her body I can touch in bed.  What is okay one day is not okay the next and your husband does not understand always know how to deal with that. (BTW – I know, we can be just as annoyingly inconsistent – I will try to address that with the guys in a future post to the hubbies.)

The truth is, this drives husbands crazy.  It makes them unsure of their actions, unsure of what to do much of the time.  To make matters even worse, it seems like most guys feel like they make the wrong decision most of the time and that makes them uncertain about their actions and that uncertainty makes them want to pull away and not even try.  The net effect is that this causes us to not be as close to one another as we should be.

What You Can Do:

Forgiveness-webBe honest with yourself.  Are you ever like this?  If you are, then I ask you, please give your husband a break.  Understand that it is difficult for your husband to read you.  Understand that it is often confusing for him. If he gets the mood wrong, don’t get mad at him, give him the same understanding that you want when you do something wrong.  Most likely, your husband is trying hard to do the right thing, help him know what you want, what you are in the mood for, he will be grateful not having to guess, and you will be happy because you will get what you are looking for also.