Seeing it from His Side

We all know, but we forget it sometimes; Men and women think differently, we large_37396194_66fa1a7d7e_bdo things differently.  Most of the time neither gender is really right or really wrong, we are just different.  In the end that difference, although frustrating, is over all a good thing.

To complicate matters, we (men and women) can be pretty inconsistent in certain areas of our lives.  What we do today in a situation is not what we did last time we were in a similar situation. Part of the change is because of experience that is that we make a change because of what happened last time.  However, in other cases, the difference has to do more to do with our mood.  For example, yesterday I had this delicious melon drink at the Mexican restaurant we ate at for lunch, it was wonderful, however today the thought of it is making my stomach hurt because it was so sweet and I am not in the mood for sweet.

You are probably wondering, “What has this got to do with my marriage?”  The answer is simple, it is hard for us husbands to know what pleases you some days and we are asking that you be patient with us.

Lost and Confused SignpostWhat often times is confusing for husbands is that what a wife wants one day is not what she wants other days.  In talking to other husbands, they also say that they to have a hard time dealing with their wives inconsistencies and that there are only a couple of things that they are really consistent on.  I am willing to bet that it is the same way for most couples.

Does it ever go like this for you? One day you are cuddly and huggy and want be to given a hug and a kiss every time your husband gets anywhere close to.  But other days you want to be totally left alone and don’t even want to be touched.  From experience, this is frustrating and doubly so because there are not any telltale signs of which mood she is in until it is too late.  By the time most of us figure it out, we like we are in trouble and the damage is already done.

This can relate to many things – from what restaurant eat at to movies to watch, from what to do around the house to help her, to how to take care of the kids, from what I cook for dinner when I cook for us, to what places on her body I can touch in bed.  What is okay one day is not okay the next and your husband does not understand always know how to deal with that. (BTW – I know, we can be just as annoyingly inconsistent – I will try to address that with the guys in a future post to the hubbies.)

The truth is, this drives husbands crazy.  It makes them unsure of their actions, unsure of what to do much of the time.  To make matters even worse, it seems like most guys feel like they make the wrong decision most of the time and that makes them uncertain about their actions and that uncertainty makes them want to pull away and not even try.  The net effect is that this causes us to not be as close to one another as we should be.

What You Can Do:

Forgiveness-webBe honest with yourself.  Are you ever like this?  If you are, then I ask you, please give your husband a break.  Understand that it is difficult for your husband to read you.  Understand that it is often confusing for him. If he gets the mood wrong, don’t get mad at him, give him the same understanding that you want when you do something wrong.  Most likely, your husband is trying hard to do the right thing, help him know what you want, what you are in the mood for, he will be grateful not having to guess, and you will be happy because you will get what you are looking for also.

Classy not Trashy

One of the things that I love seeing the most in the world is when my wife dresses up for me.  I love to see her look her best, every time she fixes herself up for me, I am reminded that I am the luckiest guy in the world.  (Yes, I would still consider myself lucky even if she was not still beautiful, but it is like having an extra treat that she is beautiful and hot.) 

I think most guys would agree with me, that they love seeing their wives look nice for them.  I would encourage you ladies to dress up for your man any time you can. (I know it is a hassle to do everyday, but try for a few times a month, he will love it.)

A Few Things You May Want to Consider:

Your husband loves to see you look nice, to even look alluring, but he does not wantPaulina-Carmel-Modest-Clothing you to show off for the world.  There are some parts of you that are for his eyes only.  He wants to keep it that way.  This can include things that are too tight as well as too low cut or too high cut.  A while back I was at my favorite coffee shop one morning and it seemed like half the ladies there showing off more than what I would consider proper.  It disturbed me, coffee and an eye-full was not the way I wanted to start my day.  Classy, not trashy is always the way a Christian should dress, both male and female.  (My wife won’t let me wear my running tights unless I wear shorts over them)

Don’t forget, this includes around the house if there are others around.  It helps to set a good example for your kids, they need to know about modesty.  It is okay, when they get older, for them to know that you dress seductively for your husband sometimes, but they don’t need to see you in the outfits.

red_couture_corset_with_beadsWhen you and your husband are alone, show as much as you want.  If you have an inner seductress that wants to tease and titillate, go for it, tease and titillate as much as you want.  If you are a little more shy and not ready to show more skin that not, that is okay, find something that you like, something that says, “I want you to want me” and wear it for him.  I know that you ladies know best what you look good in.  I would suggest that every now and then, buy something that is a little out of your comfort zone and wear it for him.  He will love whatever you wear, because he knows you are trying to please him.

I know many women feel cheated if they get lingerie for a birthday gift, thinking it is really more for him.  I can see that, it makes sense.  I have tried a couple of times for my birthday to get my wife to buy herself some lingerie and wear it to bed for me on my birthday (or whatever event)!  I would love that, I get the feeling that your husband would like it also.

BTW – If you struggle with body image, you are probably worried about nothing.  Any decent guy knows that what is one the inside is more important than what is on the outside.  I am willing to bet that he loves you the way you are and wants you more than you realize.  I am most attracted to my wife’s build as a type of body I like. (Yes, I know it may have to do with love more than anything, but what is wrong with that?)  Studies have shown that it is true of most husbands.  Your heart will still shine more than anything else anyway and he loves that a lot.

In many ways the old idea is true: A man wants a classy wife in public, but in private, he desires someone who wants to Rock His WorldDressing to please him is a great way to start.

Let Him Pamper You!

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I love to pamper my wife.  I like to do nice things for her, romantic events, flowers, gifts, 25-Red-roses-in-a-vase-300x300and such.  For our 25th anniversary, I surprised her with a romantic weekend get away.  25 roses where waiting for us in our hotel room, I wrote a memory book that I had published from a custom book company, and I pampered her as much as possible.  I loved every minute of it.

I could go on about other things, but I think you get the point that I like to do things for her.  Candle light, soft 06-pamper-woman-061211music, sparkling grape juice (We don’t drink) and whatever I can do to make her feel loved. I love to give her back rubs and full body rubs.  I love to use oil on her, I love the way it leaves her skin so soft for days, even weeks later.

However, there is a problem.  She is resistant to me doing these things.  She does not like me making a big deal over her.  I have made it clear to her that I don’t do these things so she will make love to me.  I told her many times, I would be happy if she would just fall asleep while I did it.

The truth is it really bugs me that she does not let me pamper her more.  Which, pamper 1  brings me to my point for you wives out there.  It is quite simple, when your husband wants to pamper you, LET HIM!  It will make him happy, he will enjoy it. Relax, let him take care of you, let him pamper you.  If he is asking to do it, then he wants to do it. Don’t feel guilty, feel cherished. The more you enjoy it, the more he will enjoy it. It is definitely a Win – Win situation!

Postscript: I just read a wonderful post today by Forgiven Wife, entitled: “Leap of Faith.”  Her post relates to the topic of this blog since she is dealing with wives who feel that they are not worthy of happiness in marriage.  I found this to be a great article and it may give you an insight about why some ladies don’t want to be to be pampered.