Let’s face, there is not a wife out there who does not wish a few things were different in her husband. That’s okay, we all understand that. (Truth be told, he would like to change a few things about you also.)
Now there are two attitudes you can have when he makes a change: 1) It is about time! 2) Celebrating and reward change. Let me illustrate with clothes.
My wife, wants me to dress a little differently for work. She thinks if I wear more button down shirts, both dress shirts and casual shirts that I will get more respect from the people that I work with. I prefer polo type shirts, she thinks they are too casual. She also want’s me to wear more colors. I tend toward blues, blacks, browns, and sometimes for fun, I will throw in red. She wants me to were more cream and pastels.
Last week, she took me shopping and you guessed it, the conflict came up. We politely disagreed, but then I decided that I would do get some clothes to please her. So I picked up some shirts that she liked.
On Tuesday, when I picked out my clothes for work, I picked out the items that she liked, I wanted to show her that I was listening and trying to dress to please her. The response was nice, she gave me a big hug, a nice kiss, and said, “You look nice, handsome.” (I love it when she calls me handsome.) Let me tell you, it made me feel great. It made me want to dress to please her more often. You see she had a choice, if she would have not encouraged me, I may have thought, “Why bother.” If she would have said, “It’s about time you listened to me,” I would have resented it and probably only wore those clothes when I had nothing else to wear. (Yes, I can be stubborn like that. Not proud of it, but being truthful.) Instead, she encouraged me. Now I want to do it again because I know she liked it and she showed me she liked it by building me up. I will tell you what, if she would have cuddled up to me close to bedtime and said something like, “You know you look so good in that, it has got me excited thinking about how you dressed to day and I want to show you my appreciation.” Top that off with a sensuous kiss and I would probably have given all my polo shirts to The Good Will Store today!
This will work not just for clothes, it will work with everything. Talk about things calmly, help him to take baby steps, and reward him for each step. BTW – when he backslides, do not get too down on him, instead, gently remind him of the rewards he got last time he made a change. It will make almost any man want to please you again.
This is a great win – win situation. When we treat each other like this, we both get something that we want and that is not manipulation, that is cooperation!