Weekly Picks

ku-bigpicMy picks of what I consider to be articles worth reading.  Most of the time these will be from my fellow Christian Marriage Bloggers, but sometimes I will pick from other sources also if I think they are important.  (These are in no particular order.)

What He Wants In Bed

I can almost guess what some of you are thinking, “Okay Jed, what makes you think you know what all or at least most guys want in bed?”   Good question.  In my defense, “I say, give it a read and if you think I missed something let me know.”

I there there are just a few things that your husband really wants when it comes to sex:

The First Thing is Variety: Let’s face it, with few exceptions doing things the HardPkVarietysame way again and again gets pretty boring. For both of you!  Speaking personally, I like all of the following: Quickies, longies, times that it is laid back – like long cuddling that leads to making love, intense times where we are giving as much passion as we can to each other.  I don’t think I have ever found a position I don’t like, but then again we have not tried some of the ones that require us to be gymnasts. I like it when she takes control and like it when she wants me to control.  Time of the day? Well, any time we can squeeze it in.  Love massages before, I would really rather give her one, than get one, but I would not complain either way. (Check my post – The Ultimate Massage.) Lights on, lights off, candles, moonlight through the window, it is all great.  Above anything else, I want all of these and would love rotating between them.  I may like some more than others, but the truth is, I would take variety over doing my favorite activities over and over.

06-chalkboard-calculation-lgnAnother Important Factor is Frequency:  This is impossible to really say how much is enough.  For some guys they will want 5 or more times a week for other guys 1 – 2 a week will be enough.  For most couples that, number will not be a firm number, but it will vary from week to week.  The most important thing is that you two talk together and that you find out what your husband is thinking about for frequency and what you are thinking.  That is the starting point, set a goal and try to make it happen.  You might want to keep track when you do have sex so that you know, chances are your husband knows how often you are having sex, he good chance he knows how many times you have turned him down since you last had sex also.

Photo Jun 02, 6 30 07 PMThe Most Important Thing is You Being Engaged:  Your husband does not want to be a passive partner, he wants you to enjoy it, (many guys are as worried about your O as they are about their own O.)  He wants you to participate.  If it is a time where he is taking charge, he wants you to enjoy, but he also wants you to let him know that you are enjoying what he is doing.  You don’t have to be a “screamer” to let him know that, but a little verbal feedback would not hurt, moans and sighs are great encouragement for a man.  As are things like, “Right there,” “don’t stop,” “oooh, that feels nice,” and “I love you!”  Your husband wants you to enjoy sex as much as or more than he does.  Nothing is sexier than having your spouse want you as much as you want them.  No, he is looking for you to be a porn star, but he does not want you staring at the ceiling and be thinking, “I wish we would have re-textured the ceiling before we painted this room.”

I-Want-You-620x350The Most Important Thing Your Husband Wants Is You!  He wants your love and your playfulness.  He wants your touch and your attention.  He wants you to be into him as much as you want him to be into you!

He may speak a different love language, but he loves you as much or more in his love language  as you do in yours.  If you want him to learn your love language, make sure you are willing to learn his. (If you need more info about Love Languages, click here for links from my resource page.)

Do Some Exploring Together.

Romantic KissesEach of us have spots that make us tingle with joy.  Sometimes it is the light feathery touch of a finger that brings that tingle, other times, other spots it is the firmer touch of the fingers, or whole hand that brings that same pleasure.  Other times, other parts of the body bring out those shivers, smiles, and sighs.  Sometimes, it’s the lips that do the trick, sometimes the tongue, sometimes eyelashes, sometimes teeth, and of course the possibilities are almost endless.

I believe that happy, healthy couples learn where those spots are on each other.  They have taken the time to explore each other, they have taken the time to experiment, they have learned how to make each other happy and they take much joy in doing that.

I think it is important for you and your husband to spend time learning each other’s pleasure spots.  It is important that you do this together, that you learn his spots and that you let him learn yours. Spend time playing together, spend time talking, and learn together.

Almost every guy I know, wants to know those spots on his wife.  Husbands, at least the vast majority, want to able to make their wives very happy in bed.  They get as muchWomen pleasure, in many case more pleasure bring their wife pleasure than they do their own.  So it is important that you let him learn your pleasure spots.  Teach him, he wants to learn.  Teach him, that it is not formula, that it is not 3 minutes here, 5 minutes there, and then an explosion.  Teach him that it takes time, that it takes variety, that what blew your socks off last week, may not do the same thing this week, yet it may bring about an even greater explosion next week.  Teach him what he wants to learn, what he needs to learn.  He will be grateful.  But also, learn what you can about him.

No matter where you are in your relationship, there is still more that you can learn about each other.  I am willing to bet that you more learn about each other physically the closer you will grown to each other in all areas.  Sometimes the first time you try something, one of you may not enjoy it that much, however, the next time, you may both love it.  However, always be sensitive to each other’s limits – we all have them and that is a good thing.

Something that is fun to do, when you know the spots that effect him, discretely touch one of those spots while you are at dinner or at a BBQ, it will have him thinking about you and smiling the rest of the evening.

How to Initiate Sex even if you are Shy

I know that a lot of women are shy when it comes to initiating sex.  This comes from several things, women have been told good girls don’t initiate sex, it comes from fear of rejection, but whatever the reason, wives should initiate sex some of the time.  Your husband loves it when you do, it makes him feel loved and very, very special.

If you are shy and unsure how to initiate sex here are a few suggestions:

  • Wear some sexy lingerie to bed – I can almost guarantee that this alone will cause the average husband to respond to you.
  • Sensuous kisses are always a good way.  Truly passionate kisses will send pink_lips-t2messages that speak louder than words.  Don’t forget that you can passionately kiss more than just his mouth, throat, neck, ear, chest, nipples, are all spots that will work also. (If you have not found those spots on your husband, time to do some exploring.)
  • One nice thing is while you are hugging or cuddling is to take his hand and place it some place on your body where you both like his hands and he knows you are saying, “I want to go further.”
  • Another possibility is to take his hand and direct him to slow start caressing you, it can be any place that you like, my wife likes me to rub her stomach.  If she starts my hands moving and then does something like caressing me, kissing me, or even just making those little purring like moans she makes, I know what she is thinking.
  • Of course you can always just put your hands someplace on him that you both enjoy your hands being.

Sometimes wives think they are sending a signal to their husband, that they want to make love and are initiating it, but the husband does not get the message (we guys don’t always get the subtle difference between this is “just a cuddle night” and “let’s make love”) and then the wife feels rejected, when in reality he would have been excited to make love. This is why communication with your husband is so important. Talking to him about how you could initiate sex would be a good conversation to have with your husband: This is one conversation that your husband will love having.  It is amazing to me that most women love to talk about every under the sun, except sex and at the same time, that is one conversation that your husband would love to have with you. Here are some things you might discuss with him:

  • Tell him you are shy, but that you still want to initiate love making sometimes.
  • Ask him for some suggestions on ways that you can, as a shy person let him know you want to make love.
  • You could decide on a code or code word that would let him know your intention. Something like, “tigress,” or “baked Alaska” or whatever you feel comfortable saying could send the message you want.
  • One code could be as simple as wearing pearls (I love a woman in pearls) or a special hair clip or anything else you feel comfortable with using as a signal.
  • It could also be something like you lighting candles in your room or turning down the bed – that could be the code.

I am sure that if you talk with your husband, he will be thrilled and will do what he can to help you find a way to make passes at him.  Also, just knowing that you are thinking about it will make him happy and encourage him.

Some other things that you may consider doing:

  • Offer to give him a massage – it is always something that a man will love and will Sex-sin-article-picget him excited at the same time. You may want to check out my Ultimate Massage post if you have not read it.
  • Whisper things in his ear – almost anything will work because almost anything whispered in the ear will sound sexy.
  • Notes & Texts also work nicely; again this is a great place for code words.
  • Going commando and letting him you are going commando is also a good idea. (Nice thing, if you are shy about going commando all day long, don’t go commando until a little bit before bed – let’s you be comfortable all day long and still turns him on.)

The biggest thing is to find something that works for you.  Find something that you are comfortable with and something that sends the signal that you are trying to send.  It does not have to be fancy, it just needs to communicate, “Honey, I would love to make love to you tonight!”  That is a message he will love to hear!!

A Little Humor

I found this a while back somewhere on the web.  I don’t know who wrote, but I found it pretty funny.  I hope it gives you a smile.  (Ladies, if it does not make you smile, I am sorry, pass it on to your husband, it would probably work on him.)

“I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.”

For Example: One evening last week, my wife and I were in bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

I said “What??!! What was that?!”

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear… “You’re justStop not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.” She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several COASdifferent very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said let’s get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you…she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.” She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled What?”

I then said “Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.” And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either.

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I know you have probably read this one before, but I hope it made you smile none the less!